BY ROSEMARY E. HAMMOND

WAS MISERABLE; NO, MORE THAN MISERABLE, I was ready for a nervous breakdown. I didn't hate my job so much as the atmosphere and mental turmoil it inflicted on me. As a sales administrator and office manager I was struggling to cope with people who had no problem tormenting me--they seemed, actually, to enjoy it. The pressure was so great that crying on my drive home from work was becoming a frustrating habit.

Recently I had embarked on a journey home--home to God on a path, I felt, of His leading. I had been raised a Christian, but I had wandered from Him. And, like most Christians I've spoken with, I discovered that the road home is not always a smooth one. I wanted more than religion; I wanted a personal spiritual experience. What I didn't understand at the time was that it was beginning to happen. Talking and crying to God as I drove to and from work was a release, a growing time. Even the radio preacher I listened to every morning was enlightening me as he spoke about adversity and persecution and how a Christian is supposed to respond in such circumstances.

After several trying months and an unpleasant confrontation with a coworker, I asked God just how much longer I would have to endure. I felt I was rapidly reaching my breaking point.

My Foundation
I grew up in the hills of Pennsylvania, the sixth of 10 children, the youngest of four girls. My mom was a nurse who put her career on hold until the youngest was in school; then she became a geriatrics nurse. Caring and compassion were part of her nature. Even with a large family she'd always welcome my older brothers' friends when they needed a place to stay after they drank too much or when abusive parents threw them out.

When I looked at my future, I never saw myself being anything other than a wife and mother. I don't have a college education or any special training. I married at the age of 19 but was never able to have children. I had always wanted children, but adoption was out of the question because we were not financially secure.

Since I had no reason to stay home, I worked throughout my married life, and my résumé is quite extensive. From office work to truck driving, and everything in between, I was a jill-of-all-trades.

Finally though, I'd had enough. I admitted to God that I just didn't know what to do with my life. Since He created me and knew what I was best suited to, I prayed and asked him to show me what I should be doing with my life.

That's when all the trouble started at work; at least that's how I perceived it. What I didn't understand was that God was using adversity to grind the rough edges from my character and polish the gem He had placed within me at birth. I had been reading His promises, so when I found the one that says He won't test us beyond our ability, I grabbed it like a lifeline and held on tight.

That's where I was when I asked, "How much longer?"

In that still small voice He said, "Not much longer."

"I hope not," I replied, "because I can't take much more."

Open Doors
Well, true to His word, three days later I was laid off. I left my boss's office in shock; I didn't know what to do. I left the office and went for a walk. I couldn't believe I'd been let go. Oh, my boss had been nice enough, applauding my accomplishments over the past two years, but sales just weren't increasing the way he wanted, so they had engaged a "more professional and seasoned" staffer.

I was crushed. What was I going to do? I'd been walking about 15 minutes when it suddenly dawned on me: God's answering my prayer; I'm getting out of here. God has a plan for my life, and He's in control. I couldn't wait to find out what He had in mind for me.

When I realized that God, the Creator of the universe, was taking an interest in me, I was both elated and humbled. I was no longer just "the voice of one, crying in the wilderness"; my prayers had become a two-way connection. God was answering my prayers.

When I got back to the office, I was a different person. I had a hope and a future. I didn't know what lay ahead, but I trusted God with my life--for perhaps the very first time. I had two weeks of severance pay, time I used for rest and recreation.

Questions for Reflection or for Use in Your Small Group 1. When has God answered a prayer born of desperation? Describe briefly the circumstances. 2. What spiritual gifts are you using in your present vocation or avocation? 3. How do you stay open to God's leading and sensitive to His voice? 4. What indications have you received that you're where God wants you to be, doing what He wants you to do?

My security in God gave me a boldness I had never known. When my coworkers came to talk about my dismissal, I'm sure they expected tears and mourning. They were shocked to see me happy. They stood dumb when I explained that it was all in answer to prayer and that God was going to show me what He really wanted me to do. Only by His grace could I leave without bitterness and witness about His love for me.

My friends and family thought I might have slipped over the edge when I refused to file for unemployment or start job hunting. I just kept telling them, "God is in control." Besides, I needed the time off, and I was sure I'd be employed before long. I knew that several people in the industry were starting new companies and were interested in me, so I just waited.

After a few days Cay, my mother-in-law, told me about one of her clients who came into her shop in a wheelchair, assisted by a female companion. The companion indicated that the woman who owned the service she worked for was looking for more caregivers, and did Cay know anyone who might be interested. Cay told her about my recent layoff, noted her phone number, and passed it on to me. As Cay described the job I thought, Well, maybe until God finds me a "real" job. I called the number and left a message. I enjoyed two full weeks off before I received a call back for an interview.

A Promising Beginning
My first client lived only a half mile from where I lived. I worked part-time for two months before I realized I really enjoyed what I was doing. My hours were flexible, there was no traffic to fight, and I got to wear casual clothes.

It wasn't always easy, however. That first year I had a client with Alzheimer's. That's when I really learned how to depend on God. Often I'd have to go into the bathroom to pray and regroup. I didn't really have the training to handle the situation, and I told God that quite often. But I'd always remember the promise: "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor. 12:9, NIV), and experience what it means to take God at His word.

After a year I found myself without any clients, and I was unsure about what to do next. As I talked to God about it, referrals started to come in. It seemed as if whenever I lost one client, the phone would ring with another referral. In four years God never failed to give me opportunities to serve others.

Throughout the process God's counsel helped me to be patient with the difficult cases, giving me time to grow and learn about Him, myself, and others. He gave me opportunities to share the gospel, and showed me what it means to love and be loved by some really special people. I do things I enjoy, such as cooking, shopping, running errands, reading, and just visiting--things I learned from a caring, compassionate mother and a God who came to serve, suffer, and die for me and others like me.

Now I share my story with everyone, especially my clients. I want them to know that God is working not only in my life but also in theirs by bringing us together.

The Next Step
I was thinking the other day that I should at least have a business card to give to my clients. After all, after four years in the business I thought I should be more professional. But my business needed a name. Finally the words "Heaven-sent Caregiving" came to me. What a great way to remind myself who I am, why I'm here, and most important, who's in charge of my future.

It's a great feeling to know that God will never leave or forsake me. I'm learning how to trust Him as I experience that personal, spiritual relationship I've longed for all my life.

I really love my new Boss.

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Rosemary E. Hammond lives in Phoenix, Arizona, and attends the Camelback Seventh-day Adventist Church.