BY CYNTHIA ADAMS

HE TEST WAS A COUPLE OF MONTHS away, and my number one priority was studying--day and night, time did not matter, and sleep was irrelevant. Eating, a far second to studying, occurred only because without food I would not have the energy needed to study. No more quick visits to Lake Lanier or strolls through the mall or hanging out with friends. Quality time with my husband was out of the question. I was running this race, and my focus was on one thing and one thing only: I have to pass this test! I must pass this test! I will pass this test!

So the time came.

As I walked into the Georgia Convention Center I found myself physically exhausted, nutritionally deprived, and just plain studied out. For two days--eight hours each day--I, along with hundreds of aspiring attorneys, would have to sit here and take the dreaded bar exam. I gave my brain one last squeeze to recall the information hidden in the abyss of my mind. I chewed my pencil, I bit my nails, I wiped the sweat from my palms. I whispered a silent word of prayer for guidance and wisdom.

Panic
I read the question, and just then an overwhelming fear overtook me--the evil head of self-doubt popped up, and all of a sudden my brain was empty. Did I study this subject? What is this question about? Is it in English? They didn't tell us the test would be administered in Hungarian!

Then just as quickly as it came, the fear and self-doubt left, replaced by an intense calm. I had studied; I had prayed, I knew this stuff.

So for 15 hours I went through the process of regurgitating all that I had learned and stored in my head for just this purpose. Every now and then I stopped and said a prayer and asked God for guidance, more wisdom, more confidence.

I have to pass this test! I must pass this test! I will pass this test!

As with all things in life, the exam came to an end, and my husband and I sighed a breath of relief. We celebrated because that part of the test was over, but we both knew the real test was just beginning. We would have to wait three months before we would know whether I'd passed. For anyone who has had to wait for an answer to what the next step in life would be, you know and understand that three months can feel like three years. And so it felt like an eternity, and during those months the thought never left my mind: I have to pass this test! I must pass this test! I will pass this test!

Finally the week came that I would find out the results of the test. I knew the date; I knew the time; I would be ready. I planned a week of fasting and praying to make sure that I'd be in the right frame of mind to receive the verdict. That was important. I would take no chances-I had to pass this test!

But as I was praying one morning, a question came to me--as if someone had spoken it out loud: "Have you ever prayed so strongly and earnestly to pass the ultimate test? Have you ever ignored sleep and food to make time to study for it? Have you ever sacrificed time with your husband, your family, to spend time with Me? Have you ever said, 'I have to pass this test, I must pass this test, I will pass this test'?"

The questions seem to be coming so fast I could hardly keep up. As I knelt there I suddenly felt ashamed. I consider myself a good Christian--I pray, I go to church, I read my Bible, I agree that we are living in the last days and that Jesus is returning soon, I help people when I can, I pray for the sick and homeless, I love my mother and father, I don't curse, I'm a vegetarian, and I finish each prayer with "and in the end please save me when You return in the clouds."

But there I was, still on my knees, in the middle of prayer, and I felt like a hypocrite.

This was my situation: I knew that on February 25 and 26, 2003, I would sit and take the Georgia bar exam. I knew that the test would be administered at the convention center from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.; and I knew that on May 23, 2003, at 5:00 p.m., I would find out whether I'd passed or not. And so I prayed before taking the test, during the test, and after the test. I had the bar exam all figured out. But there I was being faced with the ultimate question: Was I preparing myself to be saved, preparing myself to make it into the heavenly kingdom?

We Won't Cross the Bar Alone
The time that we're allotted on this earth is uncertain. In the hospitals, on the highways, in our homes, death lurks around every corner. I know that one day death will come, for "the living know that they will die." I am not afraid of death, but only of the closure that death brings. "But the dead know nothing; they have no further reward" (Eccl. 9:5, NIV). I want to know that whenever or wherever death comes, I am completely ready to meet my Savior.

As I got up from my knees I felt a sense of relief to know that my heavenly Father did not leave me to take that final test alone. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross years ago for my sins. In infinite love and mercy God made Christ, who knew no sin, to be sin for us, so that in Him we might be made the righteousness of God.

Led by the Holy Spirit, we sense our need, acknowledge our sinfulness, repent of our transgressions, and exercise faith in Jesus. This faith, which receives salvation, comes through the divine power of the Word and is the gift of God's grace. Through Christ we are justified, adopted as God's sons and daughters, and delivered from the lordship of sin. Through the Spirit our minds are renewed, and we are given the power to live a holy life. By abiding in Christ, we have the assurance of salvation now and in the judgment.

What a wonderful promise! Just as He did not leave me to take the bar exam alone, He does not require me to face this test alone. But I understand that the faith I need can come only through studying the Divine Word. So today and tomorrow and the following day, I will pray and study, and I solicit other aspiring heaven-dwellers to pray and study even harder and more earnestly for the faith that leads to salvation. For we never know, your "ultimate test" or mine may come 10 minutes from now, or two days from now, or 10 months from now, or 50 years from now. And I know how important it is that I pass this test--I must pass this test! I will pass this test! And I want you to pass with me!

"If anyone wishes to follow me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and be willing to suffer for me, even as I am willing to suffer and die for him. Anyone who is only interested in this life will end up losing eternal life, but the person who is willing to give up everything to follow me will find happiness in this life and will also be given eternal life" (Matt. 16:24, 25, Clear Word).

Postscript
A few days after completing this article, I received my results on the Georgia Bar Exam. I passed the test! I give all thanks, glory, and honor to God. There is no way I could have done it without Him, and I continue to solicit His help in passing the ultimate test.

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Cynthia Adams is an attorney living in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, Dwayne. They attend the West End Seventh-day Adventist Church.