BY BILL KNOTT and BONITA JOYNER SHIELDS

Clergy sexual abuse has been much in the news of late, as one denomination after another has confronted the trauma of predatory pastors who prey on the vulnerable and the weak in their care. Despite the media attention, it is, blessedly, still a rarity, the exception and not the rule. Thousands of Adventist pastors serve millions of members with faithfulness and integrity, careful to observe the highest standards of moral conduct and Christian professionalism. When clergy sexual abuse occurs, however, it can traumatize both its victim and a congregation and can confront local church leaders with some of the most difficult and painful situations they will ever face.

Below is a story composed from pieces of several real-life experiences of clergy sexual abuse. All names and circumstances have been changed to protect the identities of the offender, the victim, and others involved. At the end of the story you will be asked to think carefully about what you would do in this situation. On the following pages three well-qualified professionals-a psychologist, a chaplain and family therapist, and a church administrator-also respond to this story with their insights and counsel.--Editors

elen Erskine eased the Camry into the driveway, shut off the engine, and sat in the darkness, staring at the warm light flooding out of the kitchen window. Through the panes she glimpsed Jim moving between the sink and the stove, putting the finishing touches on his Tuesday night baked macaroni and cheese casserole.

It would be good to tell this all to Jim. The past three hours had been an unbelievable whirlwind of shock and tears and anger and grief. Eleven years as church office secretary had never before produced an afternoon like this, and the thought of letting Jim carry some of the burden made her feel both relieved and slightly guilty. Jim would help her sort out what it all meant and, more important, what to do with the information. And it would actually be his role, as head elder, to do something about it.

"Hi, honey," Jim grinned as she slowly closed the kitchen door behind her. He held out the hot casserole between oversized oven mitts. "Hope you came home hungry. I'll have everything ready in about three minutes."

Helen slowly rinsed her hands at the sink, letting the water run for a full minute over her hands. Washed away, she thought wearily to herself. If only it could all be washed away, down the drain-away, far away.

She held Jim's hand across the corner of the table as he prayed, and smiled nervously when he picked up his fork.

"So tell me about your day," he murmured as he dug into the steaming food on his plate.

"It was kind of-different," she began, searching for the words with which to loosen the twisted knot in her stomach. Suddenly there were no words-just tears spilling out of her eyes and onto the tiny leaf pattern on the edge of the china plate. She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders heaving with sobs beneath the knitted blue sweater.

"What is it?" Jim said softly as he knelt beside her chair and smoothed her close-cut gray hair. "What happened? Did something go wrong at the office today? Tell me, Helen. We don't have to eat now. The food can wait."

Response by a Psychologist Response by a Chaplain Response by a Church Administrator How Do You Respond?

Jim guided her to her favorite wing chair in the family room and sat directly in front of her on an ottoman. "Whatever it is, you can talk about it, Helen," he said quietly as his eyes met hers. "I'm all ears."

"I think," she started, "I think that the pastor is . . . is . . . is having an affair!" The words tumbled out to a fresh round of weeping. Jim held her hand as he waited for the sobs to subside, then drew a deep breath.

"Well, we can't always be sure about things like this, can we, dear?" he said evenly. "Sometimes we can get the wrong impression from pieces of information we string together. I can't believe Pastor Rick would ever do something like that."

"Cherie told me," Helen said in her steadiest low tone. "Your niece Cherie-she's the one he's been having the affair with."

Jim straightened up, and Helen watched the color rising in his face as he wrestled with the information. "My niece Cherie? Pastor Rick has gotten involved with Cherie?" Jim turned his head away and stared across the room as the muscles visibly tightened in his neck. "What . . . what makes you so sure she's telling the truth?" he demanded as his fingers gripped Helen's hand even more tightly. "You know Cherie, Helen, and you know she's capable of stretching the truth to suit her purposes."

"Here," Helen said softly as she held out the folded paper she had taken out of her cardigan pocket. "Look at this."

Jim stared at the hotel receipt uncomprehendingly. "This is a receipt for a Mr. and Mrs. Robert Johnson over at the Holiday Inn in Red River," he said slowly. "I don't see what this has to do with Pastor Rick and Cherie."

"Cherie told me that the pastor took her there last month when he was supposed to be at that church growth seminar in California," Helen said as she wiped away still more tears. "She told me that they registered under the name of Robert Johnson. And after she left-I couldn't help myself; I just had to know if she was telling the truth-I called the Holiday Inn and asked them to fax me a receipt for those two days. They probably thought I was Mrs. Johnson, and they sent it right away. Jim, don't you see-even though I didn't want to believe it at first-I've got the evidence that the two of them were together?"

Jim stared at the floor for a long minute, then raised his head. "Robert Johnson is a really common name, Helen," he said firmly. "I wouldn't be surprised if there were several guests by that name in a place as big as that Holiday Inn at Red River."

"I thought about that too," Helen admitted, "but then I remembered something else strange that happened. You remember when I got that new phone on my office desk last month, the one that has caller ID on it? Well, I got a call from Pastor Rick on that Tuesday at the office. He said he was calling from San Diego, but I noticed on the caller ID that the area code was the same one they have in Red River-314, area code 314. I had to pull out the manual for that new phone today to figure out how to check it, but I went back through all the calls I've received, and it's still there-the date, the time, the phone number."

Helen continued earnestly, "Jim, this is what I've been going through all afternoon since Cherie told me. I didn't want to believe it-I couldn't believe it-but the evidence is there."

Beads of sweat had now formed on Jim's forehead as his face muscles tightened, and he struggled to find something to say. "What's . . . how . . . how's Cherie doing with all of this?" he finally stammered out. "Did she tell you why she wanted you to know?"

Points to Ponder How should Jim and Helen respond to the situation they face? What aspects of this story concern you most? What biblical principles should be uppermost in the minds of Jim and Helen as they consider what to do? What sequence of events would you initiate, if you could, to help in this situation? Above in the link box are responses from three Seventh-day Adventist caring professionals. Compare your own reflections with their responses. Do you agree? Disagree? Why?

"More than anything else, she's angry," Helen murmured. "She says that Pastor Rick had been showing her extra attention-commenting on her clothes, telling her how nice she looked, things like that-for six or seven months, but that nothing serious happened until he started that morning Women of Character Bible study in August. One day after the study was over and all the other women had gone home, they were talking about her divorce and the hard time she's had raising Ricky and Eddie as a single mom. Cherie says he was just being so sweet and supportive, so understanding and all-and then he leaned over and kissed her!

"Cherie says she was so shocked that she didn't know what to do, and so she kissed him back." Helen drew a deep breath and gathered herself to tell the rest. "After that, things just progressed, according to Cherie. The pastor told her how unhappy his marriage was and how his wife just wasn't the kind of soul mate that he assumed she'd be. They started seeing each other for lunch about once a week over in Red River, and that's the way things stayed-until those two days in November. Now her conscience has come alive, and she's begun to feel very guilty about the whole relationship-and she decided to dump it all on me!"

Helen dabbed at her eyes with a lace-edged handkerchief she had fished out of the other cardigan pocket. She stared at the buttons on the front of Jim's flannel shirt until she noticed him looking intently into her eyes.

"Does anyone else know?" Jim asked, the desperation clear in his voice. "Cherie's not the most discreet person. Has she told anyone else?"

"Not as far as I know," Helen answered. "But you're right-I don't think anyone should count on her staying quiet." She waited a moment before continuing.

"Are you going to talk with Pastor Rick?" she finally asked, watching as each word seemed to pound a nail into Jim's heart. "The two of you have been so close-much better friends than most pastors and head elders ever get to be. And I know you think the world of him. You even told Elder Warren at the conference office that he's been the best pastor we've had here in 35 years. Are you going to be able to talk with him?"

"I don't know," Jim said dejectedly. "I just don't know. It's not like you can just walk up to the pastor and ask him if he's really been having an affair with your niece. I'm going to have to think about this one for a while. I'm going to have to think-and pray-about this until I see some clear direction in it."

The kitchen telephone rang insistently, and Helen flinched in her chair. She hurried to answer it, listened for a moment, and then held the handset out to Jim.

"It's Pastor Rick," she whispered slowly, her eyes searching Jim's face for any sign of how he might react. "He says he's got an hour free tonight and wants to take you up on the offer of racquetball over at the health club. What should I tell him?"

SELMA A. CHAIJ MASTRAPA, Ph.D.

HEN A PASTOR seduces or is seduced into a romantic or sexual liaison, the breach in trust and the sense of betrayal is magnified far beyond that of any other illicit relationship. The pastor is in a position of spiritual authority. His or her words and behavior represent the moral, ethical, and spiritual code that he or she preaches. Even though the pastor is human (with all the temptations and vulnerabilities of other humans), by his or her vocation the pastor has chosen to live on a higher plane and strive for a higher calling. This includes a responsibility for the welfare of the church members and for the good name of the church in the community. Thus the effect of sexual misconduct by the pastor is catastrophic to the persons involved and devastating to the church and the faith of the community. It may take a lifetime of trauma treatment for those involved. It may take a generation of disillusionment before the faith of the community is regained.

After the affair how does a person recover the shattered pieces of their life? Whether emotional, physical, or both, an affair disintegrates the personality from the inside out, especially when a spiritual leader is involved. For "it is the spirit that gives life" (John 6:63, NRSV). Therefore, reparation needs to reach the deepest level of the spirit before it can heal. This is why counseling and psychological therapy take time.

The Bible gives excellent understanding of this process. "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. . . . My strength was sapped [the depth of feelings affects the entire functioning]. . . . Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity [honestly facing the feelings is the beginning of the healing process]. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' [talk it through out loud and face each issue]-and you forgave the guilt of my sin [accepting forgiveness of the self and forgiving others cleanses the past]. . . . I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you [learning where we were wrong and changing our behavior provides a new beginning]" (Ps. 32:3-8, NIV). The three steps to psychological healing are here: confession, forgiveness, and change of direction.

Confession
Telling the story truthfully is the first step toward healing. That is why we are told, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16, NIV). This must be done privately and confidentially to a wise person-a professional who will know what to do with the information. As the person tells, discusses, and retells the story at different levels of awareness, insight and acknowledgment are achieved. It is in the process of telling it out loud in complete confidentiality to a person that genuinely cares and seeks to understand without judging that insight is gained. But it takes incredible personal anguish and pain to motivate a person to get past the blame, the shame, the guilt, the avoidance, and the rage into resolution and acceptance of God's grace. To confess means to acknowledge all feelings, including our part in the problem. In order to resolve a problem, a person must own their part in the problem and not expect anything from the other. As Jesus said when a disciple asked about another person, "What is that to you? You must follow me" (John 21:22, NIV).

Forgiveness
There is no healing without forgiveness. But we can give only from what we receive. Therefore, after acknowledgment a person must accept God's forgiveness before they can forgive the other. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:32, NIV). The wounded person must accept forgiveness and give forgiveness. This happens when the healing of God's grace is accepted at the deepest levels of the soul. Cherie must be able to say out loud with conviction, "I forgive myself because God has forgiven me." Forgiveness is the balm that cures the deepest wounds.

Choosing a Different Way
In order to avoid repeating self-destructive patterns of thinking and behaving, a person must gain insight about the source of these patterns and turn away from them with understanding and determination. The Lord promises, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you" (Ps. 32:8, NIV). God will speak through wise counselors and psychologists, and he also speaks within our spirit through the "still small voice." Every experience is a learning opportunity. When truth and forgiveness are embraced, it is time to move forward in faith. "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me" (Phil. 3:13, 14, NIV).

After prayerfully confessing and acknowledging the truth of feelings and experience, a person must accept God's grace and move on. It's time to move forward and not look back. "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62, NIV).

The Lord wants to see His children happy. The greatest happiness is the relief that comes when we accept His forgiveness and His love, and make it our own. Then we can pass it on and on, secure in His healing.

DICK STENBAKKEN, M.F.T., Ed.D.

T IS CLEAR that Jim and Helen must do something with the information they have. To remain silent protects no one and risks everyone. They didn't ask to be involved, but in cases of moral indiscretion many innocent people are caught up in the web of hurt, guilt, and pain. If there is no accountability there is potential for ongoing and greater disaster. The sons of Eli, Hophni and Phineas, became sexually involved with the women of the congregation (I Sam. 2-4). The results were disastrous: Few visions (1 Sam. 3:1); 30,000 soldiers killed and the ark taken by the Philistines (1 Sam. 4:10); the death of Eli (verse 18).

What to do? Let's begin with some things not to do:

Don't become an investigator. That is the job of others. Resist being a cop.

Don't ignore the realities; they must be dealt with. (Jim had a tough time with this.)

Don't go it alone. Seek a solid and trusted professional to help you.

Don't knee-jerk react. Act carefully and prayerfully.

Biblical Principles
The Eli account above tells us that we must hold leaders accountable. Position must not offer immunity from ethical accountability. Matthew 18 gives us guidance on what to do. The initial step is to go to the person individually. If they do not respond, take another or others. If there is still no response, then the whole community is called to keep the person accountable. The bottom line here is to seek a solution at the lowest appropriate level where there can be effective intervention.

A Suggested Sequence of Events
Using the Matthew model, I would suggest the following:

1. Make a photocopy of the materials.
   
2. Present them to the pastor without saying anything. If the pastor's response is "What is all this about?" an appropriate reply might be "That's what I was hoping you could tell me."
   
3. Listen, listen, listen.
   
4. Encourage the pastor to self-report to the conference in your presence (this will help to assure follow-through). Clearly but kindly let the pastor know that failure to self-report leaves you no alternative but to report it yourself. No apologies. No negotiation. No ducking of responsibility.

Document and make notes on what you do and when (i.e., who is there, what are the responses). The shortest pencil is better than the longest memory.

My Concerns in the Story
I have two major issues and concerns:
        (1) denial of reality;
        (2) ducking of responsibility.

Jim wants to deny reality because the reality is so painful to deal with. He would much rather ignore it or minimize it. "We can't always be sure about things like this, can we, dear. . . . Sometimes we can get the wrong impression." And: "She's capable of stretching the truth." Again: "Robert Johnson is a really popular name. . . . There could be several guests by that name."

The first element of justice making is truth telling and accepting. Denial destroys. Without truth telling, there can be no acknowledgment of the violation, no accountability, and no healing.

The second major concern is that no one is willing to confront the pastor. Both want the other to do it. In reality, it would be healthier for all concerned if they both confronted the pastor together.

Other major concerns are ministry to:
(1) the pastor's wife (she will need help with her own responses when she hears about the events),
(2) Cherie,
(3) the pastor, and
(4) the congregation and congregational leaders. Each will have different ministry needs. All will feel the impact, and all will need pastoral and perhaps professional counseling intervention.

ROSA TAYLOR BANKS, Ed.D.

LTHOUGH THE PERPETRATOR and victim are principal parties in this sexual misconduct situation, the congregation and wider church structure must not be overlooked, as they are significantly affected too. Congregations respond to revelations of clergy sexual misconduct in varied and characteristic ways. These may range from a type of steadfast loyalty to the pastor that prevents members from believing he could do any wrong, to the implementation of well-defined procedures that respond effectively to allegations of sexual abuse.

We have been informed by the media that sexual misconduct by ministers and other Christian professionals has reached epidemic proportions. Leaders of certain faith communities are beginning to acknowledge this. No congregation needs to feel alone in dealing with these matters. It behooves congregations and their wider church structures to respond in practical ways before the situation reaches a crisis state. The most practical way to safeguard against improper sexual behavior is for the wider church structure to put model procedures in place and provide education for all of its entities, including local churches.

In this story, we appear to be dealing with one of the 5,000-plus local congregations in the North American Division (NAD). Model procedures for the NAD obligate local elder Jim to communicate this allegation to the local conference's designated officer, usually the conference's executive secretary, because the pastor is an employee of the local conference. It is also necessary because ultimately the situation impacts the entire congregation and its reputation in the community.

Jim, the local elder, might consider it a biblical obligation to discuss the allegation with Pastor Rick, his friend and leader, in the contexts of Matthew 18 and Luke 17:3. However, he must not allow friendship and loyalty to prevent him from following the policy of the church, which obligates him to notify immediately the appropriate conference official.

Space allows only a brief sketch of the steps involved in responding to sexual misconduct. Church procedures call for the designated officer to activate the process by meeting with the accuser (in this case, Cherie), as well as the accused (Pastor Rick). Pastor Rick will be placed on administrative leave with pay and without prejudice. A conference officer will inform the local congregation and encourage members to show compassion and a willingness to forgive.

The next step in the process is a sexual misconduct hearing conducted by a five-member conference sexual ethics committee (SEC). This is the investigative process involving the accused, the accuser, any witnesses, and the SEC. If the allegations of sexual misconduct are found to be more likely true than not, the SEC will relay the findings to the disciplinary committee, who will consider a series of factors before determining the appropriate discipline.

Once a decision has been made, the designated officer communicates with the accused, the accuser, and the congregation. The findings of the SEC are considered final.

It must be noted that this scenario includes two adults. When the complaint involves a minor, local law enforcement must be notified immediately and procedures followed as outlined in the church's policy. Procedures relating to allegations of the abuse of minors are detailed on the NAD Web site at www.nadadventist.org/humanrelations.

Readers, we want to hear from you. How would you respond to the questions posed or the responses from the professionals? To respond, you may e-mail us at [email protected]. We will select from your responses and print them in a future issue.