BY ROY ADAMS

After September 11, 2001, no special issue on God would be complete without reference to the horrific tragedy that has etched that date into the minds of people everywhere. So when we learned that Mrs. Madeline Moy, only a stone's throw from our office in Silver Spring, Maryland, had lost her husband, Teddington Hamm Moy, in the attack on the Pentagon, we wanted to hear her story. In what follows, we present an abbreviated version of what she told us.

RS. MOY IS A NATIVE of San Francisco. She met the man who later became her husband while they were both on a student tour to Taiwan back in 1975. As they became friends, they discovered that among the many things they had in common was the fact that both their parents hailed originally from Canton, China. They married in 1980 in San Francisco, and after moving to Washington (where Ted was born), they subsequently established homes in Ohio and New York before finally moving back to Washington, D.C. There, after working for some 14 years with the U.S. government at the Department of Defense, Ted eventually joined the Information Management Systems Department at the Pentagon in November 1999. An "extremely motivated person," Ted was into the fourth month of a new training program when September 11 came. It was that program, involving a critical change of station from his usual desk, that brought him into the line of fire on that dreadful morning.

Let me take you back, Mrs. Moy, to September 10 of last year-one day before the tragedy. What kind of day was it for your family?
It was a beautiful day, September 10-my birthday. I turned 50, and Ted brought flowers home that night, as he always does for special occasions. With our 15-year-old son (our daughter had already gone back to college) we went out to eat and talked about a lot of things-in particular, our plans for our children. And Ted talked about how good a relationship he'd had with our daughter the past August, before the rest of the family had returned from San Francisco. (They both had come ahead-he to get back to his work and she to her summer job.) They'd had a very good father-daughter talk, he said, one of the best they'd ever had, alone with no distraction or anything like that. He'd talked to her about how not to be so serious about studying all the time, about how to start thinking about dating (she's 19), and about studying abroad. He was reminiscing about all this as we celebrated my birthday.

So it was a beautiful day, September 10. Do you recall what you were doing, say, before 8:45 a.m. September 11?
I'd gone to work [at an elementary school]; and the first news I heard was about New York getting hit. But I didn't pay much attention in terms of looking at the news that intensely, even though some people in the office had the television on. The last time I heard from my husband was about 8:00 that morning while still at home. Every day he'd call me three times, and 8:00 was one time. He was fine, of course. And he just reminded me about things to be done, like taking our son to his orthodontist appointment, and so on.

My break came around 11:00 a.m. I was in the staff lounge when a call came, and someone said, "It's your daughter."

The Open Letter

"Mommy," she said, "did you know the Pentagon got hit?"

I said, "No, I didn't."

"Can you check to see if Daddy's OK?" So I got panicky and I started to cry, and I started to call him. And all I got was his voice mail. Then I started calling him on his cell phone, and again all I could get was his voice mail. As school let out I was crying intensely, because I knew it wasn't like him not to give me a call.

I picked up my son early that day. And when my daughter called home again and learned I still had not been able to make contact, she started crying. Ted's brother (who also lives in Silver Spring) was the last to speak to him-around 9:30 that morning on the phone. At that time he just knew about the New York hits, but didn't know that seven minutes later the Pentagon would be hit.

So when did you get some sort of confirmation that your husband was fatally hurt?
No one from his work ever called that night. The whole family came over, and we were frantically calling the Pentagon hot line, but no one could answer our questions. Call the hospitals, they said, and they gave us about eight listings. All night I called, trying to find information. And then I called in the morning. It was just frustrating not knowing where he was.

Up to the morning of the twelfth, no calls from anyone?
No calls at all. Until I reached Michelle Davis, one of Ted's coworkers, Thursday the fourteenth. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Moy," she said, crying. "I hate to be the first to tell you, but your husband was in that spot where the building came down." That same day two ladies from the Army came over and said, "He's considered missing; he's not considered dead." So we waited and waited and waited. Every day, until September 18. Then two Army men came over to talk to me and tell me my husband was considered dead. Then came the painful task of breaking the news to my son and my daughter (whose birthday was September 20).

It must have affected them quite heavily.
Quite heavily. Ted's brothers picked up his van and brought it home. It was just so devastating not knowing when we were going to see his body, which had been taken to Delaware. Not until October 21 did they return it for burial the following day. (We never did see his remains, however.)

How old was he?
He was 48½ years old. And we'd been married 21 years.

How are you coping?
It was really hard at the beginning-I cried every single day. I stayed home from work, on sick leave. Now some days are good, some not so good. But I'm trying to live on. I tell myself that I have to live for my children.

Was your husband a religious person?
Very religious. [Mrs. Moy proceeded at this point to detail her husband's spiritual journey through several denominations, until he ran into Seventh-day Adventists through tracts left at their door, announcing a Bible seminar. He was later baptized into the Adventist Church. At the time of his death they attended the Spencerville Seventh-day Adventist Church, in Silver Spring.]

What strategies have you found most helpful for coping during this difficult time?
My children. I have to care for them; I have to be there for them. At times I feel kind of weak, and I know I have to go back to my church. I still cry every time I hear the music [in church], because music reminds me of my husband. He loved music.

Crippled With Shock BY OPHELIA WALTERS My daughter Claudia Walters Sutton lost her life in the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center. On receiving the news, I was crippled with shock and grief. I cried out to my heavenly Father for solace, and in my feeble condition I groaned day and night for His intervention. My Redeemer continues to relieve me from despondency by working through friends, neighbors, family members, and groups from the Seventh-day Adventist churches. They visit me occasionally and give unstinting support by prayers and singing. The tragedy has caused me to be drawn closer to my Creator, in whom I confidently put my trust to meet Claudia in Eden, where we will never part again. _________________________ Ophelia Walters lives in St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands.

What words do you have for others who may be facing difficulties similar to yours?
Just pray every morning or whenever you find the time. God does answer my questions, and I cling to Him for support. He's guiding me, and I'm asking Him each day for strength. And try to be around people who are positive.

How close is God to you? How close do you feel to Him?
Very close. I'm able to talk to Him every morning, and before I go to bed, or anytime there's something troubling me. I would ask Him to come into my life and help me to cope with things I don't understand-like taxes, for example. It was my husband who did all that before. Anxiety also comes sometimes when I'm thinking about things I have to do-yard work, for instance. I've never done that before. I'm going to have to find people to help me with fertilizing, and cutting grass, and taking care of my bills. I'm going to have to put this upon God, 'cause I know I can't do it myself.

What support have you received from your local church?
We have a grief-share, and they've recommended a therapist for me to see, which is very helpful. And Pastor Steve Willsey [of the Spencerville church] has been very, very supportive all through this period. He came to see me every other day. If not, he would drop off food. And he would come and pray with me. So he's been giving me a lot of support. He even offered to have Ted's [funeral] service there at his church, and was very helpful with all the funeral arrangements. I'm very, very grateful to him, because I wouldn't have known how to handle all this.

Do you blame God for what happened?
No, I don't. The terrorists were the ones that committed the act.

How has it affected your relationship with God?
I cry a lot and am still kind of shaken up about it. But maybe God has a plan for me in all this. Sometimes I ask: "Why Ted? He was just there for training. And if he had been two doors over, he might have been safe." But my husband wanted the opportunity to advance, and that's why he was there. So I can't blame God. Instead I look on what happened as a wake-up call for all of us to reflect on how precious life is. Every day I tell my son I love him when I send him off to school. And I always hug him every night. You see how precious a life can be.

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Roy Adams is an associate editor of the Adventist Review.