July 8, 2009

"When I Was Sick, You Visited Me"

2009 1519 page14 caphe doesn’t know how to be sick.” I’d heard the comment again and again from my husband and daughter and felt a certain amount of pride each time they said it. I just never let sickness get me down. So you can imagine the difficulty I had when I learned I needed surgery and would have to be laid up at home for two weeks. Others who had had this same surgery said that my time at home might be longer—it just depended on how well and quickly I healed. I was determined to be one of those cases in which the patient makes “a miraculous recovery.” “Three days,” I declared, “and I will be up and around.”

 
Reality Sets in
This, however, didn’t turn out to be the case. Instead, I was surprised at the amount of pain I felt when I tried to get out of bed or just roll over, and how tired I was all the time. The experience began to broaden my perspective of what my friends and family had gone through with illness in the past, and I also became more aware of the importance of human support.
 
A Biblical Mandate
Romans 12:15 tells me that during times of great joy or sorrow we take notice of who is there with us: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” We are commissioned to share the emotions of others. I can still remember who came to my graduation, my wedding, my daughter’s baby shower, and special birthday parties. I recall who visited me in the hospital after I’d given birth to my baby and when I was at home for seven weeks with her. I know who was present at the hospital to support my dad when he had surgery and visited him when he was ill at home. I also remember who came to his funeral. These times are forever etched in my memory.
 
When Jesus describes the people He will acknowledge at His second coming, He says they saw that He was hungry and gave Him food, that He was thirsty and gave Him drink, that He was naked and clothed Him, that He was sick and visited Him, and that He was in prison and they came unto Him (see Matt. 25:35, 36). Jesus said that when they did these things for others, they were doing them to Him (verse 40). It is when we are in need that the reaching out of others means the most, and the failure of others to make that effort can hurt. Jesus has shown that it hurts His own heart to see the suffering neglected—that He feels the neglect as if it is being done to Him.
 
Evidenced by Our Actions
2009 1519 page14A friend of mine recently had surgery. The upcoming procedure had been announced in her church bulletin for several Sabbaths. She’d been an active member there for many years. When she had her surgery, however, not one person from that congregation visited her during the five days she was recovering in the hospital.
 
Our actions—or lack of actions—speak very loudly. What does it cost to show some love and compassion? A little time out of our day?

Galatians 5:14 says we should serve one another in love: “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” James 1:27 says: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” In other words, religion is about not only a system of beliefs but a way of life—a life of loving and serving others.
 
Visiting Tips
Visiting someone in the hospital or in their home is welcome most of the time. But in case you aren’t quite sure how to go about visiting someone who is sick, here are some suggestions:

Call before stopping by. A person in the hospital may be having tests done, heavily sedated, or just not feeling well enough to receive visitors. If this is the case, leave a message expressing that you had wanted to stop by and that you will try again later.
 
Take a small gift such as a plant or flowers on your first visit. These are token reminders of caring that stay with a person when you are not physically present. Offer to bring other items that might help to decrease boredom—CDs, books, magazines—on your next visit.
 
Keep visits brief. A 15- to 20-minute visit is often all that a person who is ill or recovering from surgery can tolerate. But if they ask that you stay longer and you are able to do so, this is great, too.
 
Don’t get offended. When a friend of mine had heart surgery, he said that several people became offended because he didn’t let them know he was to undergo a sur-
gical procedure. When someone is hurting, don’t expect them to be calling you. This is the time for you to take the initiative and go with an attitude of service and love.
 
Keep conversation light and cheerful. It is not the time to work out past grievances, deal with business, or talk about stressful issues.
 
Offer to pray with the one who is sick. They might tell you they don’t want to pray, but usually it’s a gesture that is greatly appreciated.
 
Offer continued support, particularly when the recovery period is prolonged or the illness is chronic or progressive. There’s a tendency to show caring at the onset of an illness or a debilitating event, but as time goes on the interest often wears off, even though the need for human compassion remains.
 
Lessons Learned
I thought I’d been pretty good at visiting those who are ill and caring for those in need, but after my own experience I learned that I could have done better. My experience with surgery enabled me to understand how to comfort others better because now I know how much the comfort I received meant to me.
 
I don’t think people who neglect to visit the sick do so necessarily because they don’t care. It’s more likely that they just don’t realize how important it is, how much it means to those who are ill, and that their own involvement is needed. God calls us to visit the sick; let’s not neglect our opportunities to be a blessing to others when it’s needed most. 
 
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Trina Feliciano is an occupational therapist working for the public school district in Brownsville, Texas.
     

 
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