December 8, 2014

Adventist Life

BY JULIE GRISWOLD

In 1993 my husband, Scott, and I were serving as missionaries in Cambodia. I was pregnant with our first child—and I was living in fear.

For as long as I could remember I had wanted to be a missionary. I had always believed it was what God was leading me to do. But it wasn’t long after Scott and I arrived in Cambodia that I no longer felt so sure mission work was my calling.

Cambodia was not a safe place to live at the time. It was dangerous to be out on the streets after dark. The government had set a curfew of 6:00, and almost every night I could hear shots being fired as I tried to go to sleep.

One Christmas we received word that our good friend Kavut had been shot. He and his fiancé had been down by the river and had lost track of time. When it began to get dark, thieves demanded the keys to Kavut’s motorcycle. The motorcycle belonged to the organization Kavut worked for. He didn’t want them to take it, so he moved too slowly. They shot him, and he died in the hospital.

Another time, very early one morning, the mission president banged on our door.

“Ben has been shot!” he exclaimed.

I immediately thought our good friend had been killed. But no, the bullet from the Khmer Rouge soldier had just grazed his neck, spurting blood everywhere. He managed to stay on his bike, even after a second bullet hit him in the foot.

Land mines would explode in various places throughout the country. In fact, in the marketplace down the street from where we lived, where I shopped almost every day, a land mine had gone off. I was so glad I hadn’t walked to the market that day! After that, I felt I couldn’t go outside my door for fear I would step on a land mine.

Paralyzed by Fear

With all these things playing again and again in my mind, I became increasingly uneasy and unable to function. I felt paralyzed by fear. I was young and pregnant, and I wanted to go back home to America.

At the same time, I believed in my heart that God had called us to Cambodia. We were there to share the love of Jesus with people who didn’t know Him at all. But how could I do that when I could hardly walk out of my house? I certainly wasn’t a good example of trusting my loving heavenly Father to take care of me.

Satan began to harass my mind with every imaginable scary thought. He tried his best to get me to be so afraid that I would give up and go home. I truly felt that almost every thought I had was a fearful one. I was sure I would be the next victim!

Enough!

One day, a few months after our baby girl, Joelle, was born, I told my husband that I had had enough. I wanted to go home. I was just too afraid to stay in Cambodia any longer.

“OK. We can leave,” he said, surprising me. Then he added, “But before we start packing up and telling people goodbye, I want you to do one thing. Every time a fearful thought comes into your mind, I want you to drop to your knees in prayer, give that thought to God, and replace it with a Bible verse. Do this for two weeks. If it doesn’t help, we’ll go back to America.”

I told him that I would do it, but that I was sure it wouldn’t help and that he’d better prepare himself and start packing his bags.

Shortly after that, I went into the kitchen to make spaghetti. Before the water could boil, I had a very scary thought and dropped to my knees. I gave my thought to God and then said out loud, “ ‘Perfect love casts out fear’ [1 John 4:18].* I praise You, Lord, that You have perfect love and that You can cast out my fear.”

I went back to preparing food. Again I was overcome by another fearful thought. So I dropped to my knees and gave it to the Lord. I replaced the thought with “God has not given Julie a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind [see 2 Tim. 1:7]. I thank You, God, for this promise. I claim it as mine right now.” At this rate I was not getting the meal prepared very fast. In fact, before the noodles were even soft, I had dropped to my knees 11 times.

What was wrong with me? My husband seemed to enjoy the challenge. Why was all the paralyzing fear coming to me? Maybe it was because Satan knew my weakness and kept attacking me.

A Gun to My Head

It was in my own kitchen that a gun was held to my head. We were living with our Cambodian landlady and her family of nine at the time. It was a Sabbath afternoon. My husband had gone to the provinces to visit a new church, and I had decided to stay home with my baby girl. As I was enjoying playing with her, I suddenly heard what sounded like dogs fighting. I got up to look, and stuck my head out the window. It wasn’t dogs. It was a bunch of police officers yelling and shouting at the son-in-law of our landlady.

I was shocked! My mind was swirling. How could this kind, friendly man who was living with us be in trouble with the police? I had had no idea that he was actually a drug smuggler and a car thief!

As I was still looking out the window, one of the officers put a gun to my head. I was surrounded by people speaking a language I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what was going on.

After what seemed like an eternity, the oficer finally removed the gun that was pointed at my head and let me return to my crying baby. I could still hear them shooting as I grabbed my baby and crawled under the bed. I survived, but the fearful thoughts were with me all the time. These experiences and countless others left me shaky, nervous, and always on edge. My heart seemed as if it were always pounding.

It Won’t Work

That’s why I didn’t think Scott’s suggestion would work. But just the same, for the next two weeks I claimed God’s promises. It seemed as though all I did was spend my days on my knees replacing my fearful thoughts with promises from God’s Word. It didn’t appear to be helping.

The two weeks were almost up, and then, on day 13, something amazing happened. I realized that I was getting a lot more things done in my day. I wasn’t spending all my time on my knees battling with fear. By day 14, the last day of the agreed-upon timetable with Scott, I knew that God had performed a miracle for me. He had taken away the gripping, paralyzing fear and replaced it with courage. Oh, the Word of God! How powerful it is!

We stayed in Cambodia for five more years. God knew that I needed to learn how to overcome through claiming and believing His Word. He knew that later we would go through a military coup, with machine-gun fire and tanks in the streets. We had to know how to battle on our knees. And we did, claiming Psalm 27.

Returning to His Word

I still have fears. They just come in different forms: fears for my teenagers, fears of sickness, fears of not having enough money. How often I forget to use what He’s taught me. But God has shown me what to do every time: to search the Bible for that special word from Him that matches just what I’m dealing with. Then I replace the negative thoughts with His positive promises.

Are you afraid of something? Are you afraid of being sick, or getting in an accident and dying? Are you afraid of not having enough money to make it to the end of the month? of losing your job? How about the fear of family members being eternally lost? Are you afraid of the end of time? of not being ready to go to heaven? There seem to be so many things of which we are afraid.

God’s truth is for us. He can protect us. We don’t need to be afraid. The Bible says, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Heb.
4:12, 13).

The Word of God confronts our fears and our negative ways of thinking. It can feel like a sword, cutting deep inside, laying everything bare. But God does this to set us free from our negative thoughts and depressing feelings. That’s why He tells us, “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (verse 16).

I know from personal experience that God’s Word is more powerful than anything I think, feel, or face. I am sure He will also help us conquer our fears as we replace them with His amazing Word. Even if we have to do it 11 times before the spaghetti is done!


* All Bible texts are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.


Julie Griswold and her husband, Scott, were missionaries in Southeast Asia for 16 years. They have four children and a Cambodian grandchild. They now live in Berrien Springs, Michigan, where Julie homeschools and Scott works for Adventist Southeast Asia Projects Ministries.

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