It was one of those special Sabbaths—great music, anointed sermon, wonderful fellowship. The sanctuary was clearing out, people were hurrying to eat lunch in the fellowship hall, others were walking outside to their cars. Glancing over, I saw one of my friends. She sat all alone in her chair. As I stepped closer, I saw tears brimming in her eyes.

“Oh, Cheryl,”^* I said as I sat down beside her. “Are you having a hard day?”

We made small talk, and I soon realized that she didn’t want to discuss the hurt inside. Not sure what else to do, I reached out and placed my arm around her shoulders. “I’m so sorry that you’re hurting.”

Her response astounded me. “Please don’t give me any sympathy, Jill.” I pulled my arm away and sat up straighter. “You see,” she explained as she looked at me through her tears, “the sympathy will just make me feel worse.”

Quickly I tried to collect my thoughts. “Thank you so much, Cheryl, for letting me know.” I paused. Then suddenly a memory flooded my mind, and I began to share it with my hurting sister. “Years ago I was going through a very painful time in my life. God was asking me to put a dream on the shelf, to surrender my own desires, and it hurt like crazy. I remember, as if it were yesterday, walking down our gravel road, crying my eyes out. When my tears were finally spent, I heard God speak to my mind: ‘Jill, My precious daughter, count your blessings.’ ”

I looked at Cheryl and smiled. “It seemed crazy at the time! ‘God,’ I asked, ‘Couldn’t You give me a little sympathy? Instead, all You care about is praise?’ Puzzled but truly wanting to follow God, I began to list my blessings: a husband who loves me and seeks God’s heart; family and friends; ministry and service. Faster and faster they tumbled out. Then soon my praise began to center on God—His goodness and mercy, His love and faithfulness, His life-transforming grace! And you know what, Cheryl? As I focused on my blessings, the beautiful gifts God had given me, my own heart and emotions began to change. I think I understand why you don’t want sympathy.”

That conversation began to revolutionize the way I looked at people, even the way I interacted with them. I’m not saying God is calling us to insensitivity. Compassion is a beautiful thing. But can it sometimes be misplaced?

Certain times of the year seem to bring out painful memories. Perhaps it’s a first Thanksgiving without your spouse. Maybe it’s the memory of a broken relationship, or a lost dream, or a failed job. Whatever it is, whenever that time of year rolls around, we focus on the pain or the loss. What if, instead, we chose to count our blessings? to make a gratitude list? to focus on what God is doing and has done in our lives?

Keep a list by your bed. Begin with a couple things you’re thankful for and add to it each night. My list would begin like this:

A God who never gave up on me

A husband who loves me unconditionally

A call to reach out and minister to others

Family

Friends

Health

A roof over my head, food in my fridge, and warm blankets at night

The promises of God’s Word

The privilege of prayer

The assurance of eternal life

What about you? Have you begun your list? It can make a radical difference in your life. It certainly has in mine!

* Not her real name.