HE WORD "DISAPPOINTMENT" ISN'T IN the Bible, but it certainly is a fact of life. We disappoint ourselves. Others disappoint us. So do circumstances. We are especially disappointed when God doesn't instantly grant us what we want.

It has been said that God is more concerned about how we handle our disappointments than the fact that we experience them. The challenge in these excerpts from Edmund Vance Cooke's poem "How Did You Die?" (copyright © 1903) is as meaningful as when first written almost a century ago.

"Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble's a ton, or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it,
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?
You are beaten to earth? Well, well. What's that?
Come up with a smiling face,
It's nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there--that's disgrace.
The harder you're thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn't the fact that you're licked that counts;
It's how did you fight and why?"

It's Not Only Why, but How
Below are seven ways to positively deal with disappointment.

1. Consider why it happened, and who or what is responsible for causing the disappointment.
Inability to adapt, changing technology, and human nature are all factors that cause disappointment. It is important to accurately place blame where it belongs.

Secure in a job held for many years, Dale Grover (names changed) saw no need to take further training, as many of his coworkers were doing. When his company went high-tech, Dale lacked the expertise to meet his changed job. He had no one to blame but himself.

Anne Dunne made a judgment call based on what she perceived as betrayal by a trusted friend. Only after she suffered a great deal did she discover that she hadn't known the full story.

At times, a boss or friend brings out the worst in us. Then is the time to remember and practice the biblical admonition "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

2. Determine the degree of significance.
Candace Dennis was passed over for a promotion that the entire office staff expected her to receive. She moved from shock to disbelief to anger when her corporation imported an outsider.

After private, soul-searching prayer, Candace was able to analyze the situation. She knew she was a valuable, appreciated employee. There would be other opportunities--unless she destroyed her chances because of wounded pride. Yes, a raise would have been nice, as well as the extra prestige. Yet failing to obtain the coveted position didn't mean bankruptcy or a less desirable lifestyle.

3. Weigh choices.
There are two universal responses to disappointment: fight and flight. Learning to know when it's appropriate to fight or flee is important. Candace chose to fight, but on her own terms. She believed she could win by hanging on, cooperating with the new supervisor, and continuing to give her best. When she was later selected for a promotion, her personnel officer said, "Your best qualification is the way you dealt with your disappointment a few months ago. It showed you are willing to give your best under adverse circumstances. That's just what we want."

Fighting back on any terms is not always the way to go. Jack Galbraith became the victim of some nasty, unfounded gossip. At first he stood his ground. Then he decided to walk away, for three reasons: (1) Trying to track down the person behind the rumors was like trying to catch feathers in the wind. (2) His friends didn't believe the rumors; no amount of proof would convince his enemies. (3) He couldn't wallow around in the mud without some of it sticking to him.

4. Pray over options.
James 1:5 says, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

There is no better way to deal with disappointment than to talk with God. It's good to lay our options out before God, but we also realize that He often has unsuspected, better ones. When I felt God calling me into writing in 1977, I wanted to change from a full-time government administrative assistant job to a half-day position that would leave mornings free to write for Him. I was turned down for being overqualified. I couldn't understand why--until months later the "part-time" job became full-time, and God made it clear He wanted me full-time.

5. Take time to cool down.
Our immediate reaction to disappointment is emotional, and cannot always be trusted. Decisions or actions made in the heat of the moment can be disastrous. We need time to think and pray before proceeding.

After intense searching, Tom and Kristy Jacobs found their dream home. The problem was the price. Should they commit to something they couldn't afford, rather than face crushing disappointment?

The couple backed off. They lost the house, but six months later capitalized on the forced sale of a similar place. They saved thousands of dollars because they refused to let bitter disappointment rule over common sense.

6. Resist the temptation to discuss.
Spilling out our frustrations to a spouse, minister, or counselor can be helpful. Reliving our troubles with everyone who will listen isn't. Sympathy from others can be a killer by reinforcing self-righteous indignation and keeping the disappointment pot at full boil.

A certain woman cooled a close friendship. She said, "I realized that most of our conversations centered on the negatives in our lives. It wasn't healthy for either of us."

7. Once a choice is made, don't waffle.
James 1:6 isn't quoted nearly as often as James 1:5. It should be. It warns: "For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." The next verse tells us such a one will receive nothing from the Lord. Worrying over whether we made the right choice is counterproductive. So is refusing to make a choice. I would rather make the best choice I can and have to correct it later than not to choose at all.

Facing the Future
"Poor me" attitudes affect the future. We must accept life and move on. As the poem says, a trouble (or disappointment) can be a ton or an ounce, depending on what we--with God's help and guidance--make it.

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Colleen L. Reece is the author of more than 120 books, and writes from Auburn, Washington. This article was first published in Plain Truth magazine.