oes separation always lead to divorce? It doesn't have to, says author Gary Chapman, one of a growing number of people trying to help separated couples reconcile.

"Separation may be the valley of restoration, and the pain you feel may be the labor pains that will give rebirth to your marriage," Chapman writes in Hope for the Separated.

Pat Compton, a counselor in Springfield, Mo., says that as soon as one spouse starts thinking about separation or divorce, it's time to take preventive measures.

"Instead of thinking separation or divorce is the only alternative, they need to know that there are lot of people available who want to support couples spiritually and in every other way…. Everybody has conflict and rough times in their marriages, but that doesn't mean it has to end."

That support can come from pastors, counselors, family members and friends. "When people are hurting really bad, it's hard for them to see anything but the hurt," Compton says. "That's when it's vital to reach out and get assistance."

Compton encouraged couples not to be embarrassed to share their marital troubles with their church families. "We think we need to look good. But the truth is, we as a Christian community need to make it safe for people to be honest about marital problems, so they can get support right away instead of waiting too long."

Chapman outlines in his book several steps a separated couple can take toward reconciliation. They include avoiding another romantic relationship, realizing divorce will not lead to personal happiness and understanding marital difficulty is caused by the marriage partners, not by someone outside the marriage.

Reconciliation is possible, he says, even if only one spouse is committed to it. He outlines some personal-growth assignments in his book that include seeking individual counseling, praying for ways to express love to the spouse, and committing to walking with God no matter what the spouse does.