MASS OF HUMANITY GATHERS around a huge golden statue. The king's portable throne has been brought out. The musicians are playing. Everyone bows-everyone except three Hebrew government officials: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. The word is carried to the king: Hebrews have defied his majesty.

The king is enraged. He leans forward, "Maybe you didn't understand. When you hear the music (and he names each instrument as if stalling for time), you are supposed to bow to the statue. Did you really do this on purpose? Do you need another chance?" This is out of character for King Nebuchadnezzar to talk with dissidents. But he reminds them that no god can deliver them from what he has sworn to do, and so must do.

Respectfully comes the reply, implying that he should have known this would happen: he knew them, he knew their beliefs, and he knew their integrity. He had created this showdown. They spoke to him as an equal, not as their king. "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up" (Dan. 3:16-18, NIV).

Now, let me ask you, "Did they have self-esteem?"

Some of you may not see any self-esteem involved. They just knew God.

Did Jesus Have Self-esteem?
Self-esteem has become almost a cure-all today, and has also become a dirty word in much of Christendom. Many Christians equate it with pride. What is a Seventh-day Adventist Christian to think?

Think of the boldness of Jesus and His absolute unflinching courage, even in the face of demons and evil men. Yes, He was God, but we must not forget that He was walking in our shoes. What made him so confident as a man?

I noticed an unusual aside one day in the story commonly known as the Last supper, found in John 13. "During supper, Jesus, well aware that the Father had entrusted everything to him, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from the table, laid aside his garments, and taking a towel, tied it round him. Then he poured water into a basin, and began to wash his disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel" (verse 3, NEB). The first time I read that I thought, That's strange, all this talk of where He came from and where He was going in the middle of the action. I looked closer and noticed that it's almost given as the reason He did what He did.

Then I understood. It was the reason He could do what He did: He knew who He was, and He had something very important to teach His disciples. Because He knew who He was, He could do anything and give it dignity--even the servant's job.

It was customary at that time that when guests came to your home, the servant washed the dust off their feet. As Jesus and His disciples reclined at the table, their feet were at the end of their couches. Typically, the servant would go around to the ends of the couches washing feet. That way the guests were refreshed before the meal. I can just imagine what they were all thinking, because it was obvious there was no servant.

And then the One who was the greatest among them got up and acted the part of the servant. It blew their minds! He served them, because He knew who He was. He was secure in His identity. He was righting their concept of self-esteem.

Self-esteem for the Christian is a paradox:
The more of the real thing you have, the less you think about how good you are.

The stronger you get, the more you become aware of your weaknesses.

The better you look, the less you care who's looking.

The more self-esteem you have, the less self-conscious you are.

Some time ago I made an announcement in church that I hadn't written out beforehand. As soon as I sat down, I realized that I had failed to connect two things I'd said, and probably had given the wrong impression. I started spinning it over and over in my mind, chiding myself for not writing it down. I knew then that my self-esteem was not quite up to par. When your self-esteem is good, you don't go over and over in your mind how well or how poorly you did on something. You're already on to the next real thing. So I chose to put it out of my mind, knowing there would be another chance to correct it.

Please understand: it's OK to bask in the glow of compliments, and let them warm you. And it's absolutely necessary that we think enough about our mistakes to learn from them. But those behaviors are different from obsessing on your performance.

What I Once Hated, I Now Love
"If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away" (Luke 9:23-25).

I used to hate this passage. It made me feel guilty about liking myself. I thought it meant that I would never be able to feel good about myself. But when my little brother was killed in a car accident, I got his Bible--the New English Bible. And one day in my reading I came to Luke 9 again. This time when I got to the end of the passage it was different. This Bible said, "What will a man gain by winning the whole world, at the cost of his true self?" (verse 25, NEB). I had just been studying about true self and false self in graduate school. If there was a "true self" in Scripture, then there must be a "false self" as well--the "pseudo self." I began to read the Bible differently. Later I came to Luke 9 again in my daily reading, and this time it was as if it were a different passage. I think the Holy Spirit put His glasses on me, and this is what I read:

"If anyone would be a follower of mine, he must leave his mask behind. Day after day he must take up his brokenness (his pathologies, his hurts, his ugliness) and come with me. Whoever tries to protect his image is lost, but if a man will risk for the sake of love and trust and authenticity, that man (or woman) is safe. What will a man (or woman) gain by winning the approval and respect of everyone if it costs him his identity?" (verses 23-25, author's own paraphrase).

My worst passage had just become my favorite. It's not about hating yourself; it's about trusting and loving Him, and loving yourself enough to become the true self that God sees you can be. God never asked us to make ourselves look good. He asks us to be honest, to be real.

What the disciples thought was self-esteem was really self-exaltation or pride. But true self-esteem is knowing who you are. You get that kind of identity from knowing whom you belong to, that you are safe, that you are loved, that you matter, that you are capable. It comes from being bonded to a family, or at least one other person. Bondedness is not the same as neediness. Being bonded gives you security. It gives you confidence. It builds strength. It satisfies your need to belong. It's what every child needs to grow out of the natural narcissism of childhood.

Let me share a few of my favorite quotes on self-esteem. The first is the verse that has been my favorite since I was a child, Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV).

Of course, we have to include 1 John 3:1: "How great is the love that the Father has shown to us! We were called God's children, and such we are" (NEB).

"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom nor the valiant of his valour; let not the rich man boast of his riches, but if any man would boast, let him boast of this, that he understands and knows me" (Jer. 9:23, 24, NEB).

"Subjection to God is restoration to one's self--to the true glory and dignity of man" (The Desire of Ages, p. 466).

Ellen White wrote that. And from the time I found it, I've hung on to it. It has taken God 17 years to teach me that subjection. Step-by-step He has shown me the parts I've kept from Him, and bonded me to Him so that I can trust Him with anything. Yet I am only beginning to get into the fullness of it. The best part is that subjection/submission to God doesn't take anything from you. You don't lose anything of who you really are in your authentic self.

Do Christians Need Self-esteem?
So what about self-esteem when you are a Christian? It's about knowing who you are. It's about being bonded to God through trusting what Jesus showed us about Him, and understanding it correctly. We need to know Him as our daddy. We need to feel His love. We need to be able to crawl up in His lap when someone has hurt us, or we've lost someone, or just had a bad day. We need to learn to hear Him speaking to us personally. We need to know that He isn't going to let us get by with things that will damage us. We need to learn to think like He thinks and want what He wants. We need to know that He will never leave us.

Does a Christian need self-esteem? I think it is imperative. As long as self-esteem is not the mask of self-exaltation hiding the shame of our brokenness, it is extremely important. It is our identity that keeps us anchored. We are going to need that anchor for what is ahead of us.

So, get an anchor, accept your adoption, and get bonded to your Father. And be strong enough in your identity to serve.

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Arla Caraboolad is a family, couples, and individual therapist writing from Simi Valley, California.