t one time, I was consumed with being thin. People would ask me, “Don’t you know you’re fearfully and wonderfully made?” Their question frustrated me. None of their comments, questions or scare tactics could motivate me to eat better.

I’m now 32, and only in the last few years have I made peace with my body. For most of my life, I struggled to fit in and be cool, but in my 20s, things seemed to click. I had an exciting job in the Christian music industry, working with artists like Newsboys, Delirious? and Steven Curtis Chapman. I married an attractive man who loved me dearly. I attended church regularly. And most important (to me anyway), I was very thin — a size two to be exact. For a 5-foot-7-inch girl, this is really thin.

Most of my friends and co-workers assumed it was natural for me to be so thin, but truthfully I was obsessed with dieting and weight loss. And I was miserable. I constantly measured my caloric and fat intake, and I paid close attention to how tight or loose my pants felt. I missed out on the life going on around me.

To make matters worse, I convinced myself that people only liked me because of my looks, which made it hard to develop friendships. I feared that if anyone knew the real me they’d see my faults and reject me. So I shut out the friendships I desperately longed for.

What’s the Problem?
Through all of this, I didn’t believe I had a problem. I knew I wasn’t technically anorexic, bulimic or a binge eater. What I didn’t know was that I actually qualified for an eating disorder, one I’d never heard about — Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS).

EDNOS is a term to describe those who have an unhealthy focus on how much they eat and what size they wear but aren’t extreme in how they handle it. People in this situation are also described as having a “subclinical” eating disorder. Even though many have never heard of these terms, more people struggle with this kind of disordered eating than with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating combined!

Unfortunately, chronic dieters and non-extreme disordered eaters are often overlooked in our society, even in Christian circles. It’s culturally acceptable to eat low fat, fat-free and diet foods. No one even blinks when someone skips a meal or makes a lunch out of diet soda and a fruit cup. And it seems perfectly suitable to spend several hours a week exercising.

If you find yourself always thinking about calories, fat grams and the size of your body, you’re spending energy on this area when you could spend it on something you really enjoy. You could be playing sports, hanging out with friends, enjoying the arts — all parts of the abundant life God wants for each of us.

Breaking the Cage
In the middle of my struggle with chronic dieting, I willingly sacrificed things I enjoyed because I believed they’d cause me to lose focus, that I’d gain weight and that my life would topple. As God began leading me out of my obsessions, I saw the cage I was in. To break out of the cage meant experiencing freedom.

Now things are different. I no longer believe that my value is based on my weight. I can eat meals with my family and friends without having to order something special. If I go shopping and a certain size doesn’t fit, I don’t freak out.

Although I’m not consumed with my weight, I’m still not overweight. Oh sure, my size has increased since the peak of my dieting, but I actually look better now than I did when I was extremely thin.

The best part is that I have more time to follow God’s unique plan for my life (He has one for each of us), instead of focusing on my diet. I now see that God has bigger things for me to think about, like writing. Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself finishing my first book, publishing a Web site or even writing for Brio & Beyond. None of this would have happened if I had been consumed with controlling my weight.

Is your weight top priority? I challenge you to consider what you’re sacrificing in exchange for the body you want. I’m not saying it’s wrong to want a nice figure; I’m just advocating balance in your approach. The bottom line is this: If you believe that your weight defines who you are, you’ll end up living in the same cage I was in. I promise that life is more fun on the outside.

Six Signs of a Chronic Dieter
1. You constantly worry about your weight but still eat fairly regularly.

2. You occasionally binge or even vomit, but no more than a few times a month.

3. You sometimes think you've eaten too much during the day, so you starve yourself the next day or two to make up for it.

4. You're always on a diet or coming off of one.

5. You constantly think about food, dieting and your weight.

6. You spend a lot of time exercising and you worry if you miss a workout.

________________________
Constance Rhodes is the author of Life Inside the Thin Cage: A Personal Look into the Hidden World of the Chronic Dieter. To read an excerpt from her book, or to find out if you qualify as a 'weird eater/chronic dieter,' visit her website at www.findingbalance.com.

© 2003 Constance Rhodes. This article originally appeared in Brio & Beyond, October 2003. Used by permission. Brio & Beyond is a publication of Focus on the Family.