n 1997 the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (AdHealth) was launched across the United States, collecting data from 90,000 teens and 18,000 of their parents. This study provides suitable capstone to the growing body of research that undergirds our understanding of the factors that predispose today's children and youth to involvement in high-risk behaviors and those factors that are most likely to protect them from harm. The one word that encapsulates all this research is connectedness. In short, kids who feel connected to family, church, school, and community are far less likely to participate in behaviors that put them at risk.*

The question is What makes kids feel connected?

A friend of mine told me a story. She goes to a rather large church. It's easy for kids to get lost in a big church, especially a kid who goes to public school or doesn't particularly shine otherwise. My friend discovered a young girl in her large congregation who had the same name as her daughter. So she introduced herself to the girl. She showed her a picture of her own daughter, now grown and moved away, and told her how seeing her in church and knowing they shared the same name made her think warm thoughts about her family.

After that, my friend made a special point of connecting with her every Sabbath. The girl struggled through adolescence and had a baby before she was married. But week by week my friend was there with a friendly smile and an encouraging word. Adolescence is behind the girl now. She is married, and she is also still in church. Her bond with my friend remains. It started with just a name.

Drs. Gary Hopkins and Bruce Heischober, physicians at Loma Linda University with expertise in youth at-risk behavior, wrote a seminar for parents on building connections that make a difference in the lives of children and youth. Here is their bottom line.

Taking Time
Connectedness takes time and requires genuine interest in young people and their issues. It means going where the kids are. It involves listening and dialoguing as well as talking. Connectedness is about warmth and caring and love and friendship. It is also about setting limits and supervision. It's about building trust and holding on during the hard times.

It is remembering that Susie has a biology test today and promising to pray for her. Taking time for fun. Opening our homes to kids and their friends. Setting sensible limits while maintaining reasonable flexibility. Being available. Asking questions that show interest in kids' lives and pursuits. Noticing a job well done. Treating kids fairly and equitably. Setting high expectations and clearly communicating our disapproval of risky behaviors. Becoming a reliable source of good information. Listening with undivided attention. Watching out for the vulnerable.

Connectedness is about mentoring and making wholesome values attractive. It requires a willingness to negotiate and release responsibility to young people, in keeping with their growing maturity. Connectedness is about getting involved and giving of ourselves. It is about looking out for kids who are discouraged or troubled. Connectedness is about helping someone who has made a mistake to begin again. Connectedness is about supporting parents and families. It means opening our families to include others in the circle of caring and fun. Connectedness is about becoming community.

But it can't happen until people like us start learning their names.

--Adapted from an article in Ministry magazine, November 2002

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By Ron and Karen Flowers, directors of the General Conference Family Ministries Department.