Church leaders respond by trying to start more schools, by finding financial help, by talking about quality. But the truth is, we'll never have a time when every Adventist child is in an Adventist school. So, as modern culture says, "Deal with it!"
And we can deal with it. Because every child can be "church-schooled." Every church can be a haven where every child is embraced, nurtured, and included.
The church's attitude toward young people sets the tone. A church that accepts every young person as equally valuable will find them accepting the church. A church that includes youth in its world is a church that youth include in theirs. A church that wants its youth to grow in their faith and remain committed church members as adults must first demonstrate commitment to them.
One Adventist church made a specific commitment that all of its kids should be in Pathfinders, whether they were in church school or not. The club picked its unit leaders without regard to which school they attended. The club left for campouts on Fridays only after its public school students were out of class. Honors instruction never presumed that part of the teaching occurred at the church school. The club thrived as the kids wholeheartedly embraced a club that embraced each of them.
Renae Hamstra, a teacher in Portland, Oregon, who home-schooled each of her three sons at certain times, believes strongly that all children can and should be included in the life of the church. "One year I was asked to conduct a cooking class through the local community education service," Hamstra remembers. "My middle son, Matthew, then 10 years old, agreed to help me teach a vegetarian cooking class called 'Foods Kids Love.' Kids came to the class with a parent and learned to make 'shamburgers,' bean tostadas, Chinese egg rolls, and more. The lessons included menu planning, shopping for unusual ingredients, and ideas for getting kids to try new foods. Matthew demonstrated a recipe and helped the class with hands-on food preparation lessons. The class prepared a tasty assortment of foods for sampling.
"Involve your children in community service activities," Hamstra advises. "They may be able to reach hearts that adults cannot."
Be Caring
The Valuegenesis studies tell us that churches must have two important qualities to grow strong youth: they must be warm and caring, and they must encourage openness, honesty, and independent thinking. Every youth must feel respected, valued, and needed. Churches need to encourage youth to ask questions without fear of criticism, so that they can attain ownership of their own religion.
No child should feel out of place in church. Our passion and plea is that every church would welcome every child to every event of the church.
Roger Dudley is a counselor, lifelong youth worker, and researcher. He's dedicated years to studying what it takes to keep young people connected to and growing in Christ. As director of the Institute of Church Ministry at Andrews University, he conducted a 10-year study of more than 1,000 Adventist young people, following their spiritual journeys from high school into young adulthood. His book Why Our Teenagers Leave the Church: Personal Stories From a 10-Year Study details the landmark research and its often-surprising conclusions.
Helpful Resources
Donna J. Habenicht, Ed.D., How to Help Your Child Really Love Jesus (Review and Herald Publishing Association).
Roger Dudley, Why Our Teenagers Leave the Church: Personal Stories From a 10-year Study (Review and Herald Publishing Association).
Céleste perrino Walker, Adventist Family Traditions (Pacific Press Publishing Association).
Sally Pierson Dillon, Hugs From Jesus (Review and Herald Publishing Association).
Sally Pierson Dillon, Little Hearts for Jesus (Review and Herald Publishing Association).
Rosanne Tetz, Love Letters From Jesus (Review and Herald Publishing Association).
Cheryl Woolsey, My Best Friend Jesus (Review and Herald Publishing Association).
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One need came up again and again as young people shared their feelings about church and life: the need to fit in. Dudley found youth who firmly believed Adventist doctrine, yet nonetheless felt as if they were on the outside looking in. They agreed with the talk, but they were confused about the walk.
"Think of what could be accomplished," Dudley wrote, "if more churches intentionally fostered spiritual friendship groups." He noted that children of all age groups "desperately want to fit in and belong in accepting and meaningful relationships" (Why Our Teenagers Leave the Church, p. 119).
The children and teens in Dudley's study wrote their feelings about church. "From the comments," Dudley wrote, "it is obvious that young adults need and greatly desire spiritual support and relationships with others of similar goals, values, and belief systems" (ibid., p. 118).
One young adult who had stayed in the Adventist Church gave this reason: "The Adventist community of believers is one with whom I . . . share a set of common concerns about what it means to love and serve God and to live a good life" (ibid.).
Church-sponsored schools can help create this sense of community as well. The first-grade field trip to the pumpkin patch can include children who are being home-schooled. With some creative scheduling, the field trip also might include public school children from the church family. When all children are involved, all children feel a part of the church family.
The teachers in my childhood church school found ways to include children who attended elsewhere. They planned events at times when everyone could attend. Everyone felt "church-schooled."
Be Gracious
"Church-schooling" our youth means to give them the attention and support they need to grow in grace. Eighteen-year-old Alex was a fairly new member of his church, having spent much of life overseas with his military family. When he decided to go on a summer mission trip, he asked his church for support. The generous response of people he hardly knew surprised and pleased him. As he prepared to leave he wrote his church family a letter of gratitude.
"Thank you for your generous support for my trip," Alex wrote. "The response of this church is overwhelming to me in what the members can do. Up until this point I have felt apart from the Seventh-day Adventist Church, not knowing the basics of what they believe and their ways of worship. Yes, I was born on this bus, but I've always felt detached." Alex wrote of the warm fellowship he'd enjoyed on a church camping trip and how much he'd appreciated a recent conversation with the church pastor. He finished by saying, "I'd like to give my thanks again to the church and to God, and I hope that I may grow closer and closer to you and to God."
Steve Case, president of Piece of the Pie Ministries in Sacramento, California, is another expert on children and the church. He notes that one of the most important facets of helping children be close to the church is for them to have caring peers. "Youth need to experience support and concern from peers in church frequently," he recommends. "Adults need to set the tone to provide a friendly atmosphere that encourages discussion, questioning, and independent thinking."
This can happen at the church or at the school. Or both. But without it, our children will feel left alone, and they will wonder whether we care.
Yes, not every child will be in church school. Deal with it.
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Kermit Netteburg is assistant to the president of the Seventh-day Adventist Church in North America for communication. Tompaul Wheeler is a writer and photographer in Hagerstown, Maryland.
OT EVERY CHILD FROM AN Adventist home is in an Adventist school. Some churches don't have a school. Some families feel they can't afford Adventist schools. Some parents think Adventist schools aren't strong enough academically.
