No sooner had that conversation taken its place in history than I met a colleague in the hall. “Isn’t the holiday season the absolute pits?” he asked as he breezed by, forehead furrowed, his body radiating coiled tension. Obviously he didn’t expect a response. At least he didn’t pause in his stride long enough for me to offer one.

I made my way to the cafeteria. The hospital chaplain, in line just ahead of me, said, “I just spoke with a patient whose parents separated when she was 11. It happened over the Fourth of July, and 50 years later the woman still dreads that weekend.” She shook her head ruefully.

Over lunch I pondered those three conversations. They stimulated my thinking, as most interactions do, and I began to explore holiday stress in my own life. It was the first time I’d really given conscious thought to this topic. It didn’t take long to realize that while I looked forward to some holidays, I actually dreaded others. It took digging and some family-of-origin work to uncover the roots of anticipation versus dread.

For a number of years during part of my childhood our family lived on the Canadian prairies. My mother and I joked that we could expect three whole days of summer each year, and it was always a desperate rush to get a tan in those three days. Memorial Day was a signal that summer was just around the corner. No wonder it quickly became one of my favorite holidays. When the weather cooperated, we even got to wear short sleeves and pedal pushers for the annual spring picnic.

Christmas, on the other hand, was a horse of a different color. December brought snow and more snow. It was often piled higher than a man’s head on either side of the drive. Along with snow came wind in a variety of velocities and creative styles. Sometimes it coated bare tree limbs with shimmering hoarfrost. At other times it drove ice crystals through the tiniest cracks in doorjambs and stormwindow frames. And there was always the cold. Relentless, unforgiving, biting 30-or-40-degrees-below-zero cold. Curled up with a favorite book in front of the fireplace (which we didn’t have) would have been one thing. Bundled in layers of protective gear and singing carols from house to house requesting donations for the poor was another. No, Christmas wasn’t my favorite.

As I worked through the process the first time, and as I continue to do so, I’ve discovered some holiday gifts we can give ourselves. Gifts that can make all the difference in the world in terms of the stressors we encounter and the negative outcome to our lives. I’ve listed seven of these gifts and, although there may be many more I’ve not yet discovered, I’m delighted to share them with you. They don’t cost a penny and could save you a mint.

GIFT 1. Define what the holiday means to you. Take the time and energy to actually write down your purpose and goals for the season, whether the occasion is July fourth, New Year’s, Labor Day, Cinco de Mayo, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, Christmas, Presidents’ Day, Hanukkah, a personal anniversary, or whatever. Once you’ve defined these to your satisfaction (although you may revise them as time goes by), make a decision to be true to your purpose and goals. It’s amazing the power that traditions and rituals can hold over us. It doesn’t seem to matter whether they’re functional and desirable, or dysfunctional and beyond outdated, or even if they’ve completely outlived their usefulness. It’s so easy to get sucked in to expectations, our own as well as those of others, until and unless we walk our own path. Avoid getting caught up in the hype and commercialism. An ounce of prevention before the holiday arrives is worth 10 pounds of cure after it’s over.

GIFT 2. Get to know yourself. Really know yourself. Stressors, stress symptoms, and patterns of stress responses can differ for different individuals. They must be identified before you can manage them effectively. Be honest. Create a collage of what happens to your brain and body when you’re confronted with stressors and find yourself in the grip of a stress response, especially in relation to a holiday situation. We can’t get out of a trap until we know we’re in one. Identify your own:

• Symptoms—changes in heart rate, breathing, body temperature, energy level, attitude, mood.

• Stressors—individuals, substances, thoughts, noises, locations, tasks, foods.

• Stress patterns—exhibiting symptoms at certain times of the day/week/month/year more than at others.

Once you’ve identified these, the knowledge can serve you in a number of helpful ways. For starters, you can implement strategies to take better care of yourself. Sometimes, with a bit of forethought, we can even avoid a specific stressor altogether. If we can’t avoid it, we may be able to minimize our exposure.

GIFT 3. Become adept at recognizing your early-warning stress symptoms. Learn to observe yourself and your reactions. Quickly pick up on the cues your body so generously provides. It’s a learned skill. Realize that we can contribute to our own distress at times simply because of our thinking patterns. When we can’t avoid a specific stressor or minimize our exposure to it, we can reduce some of the negative impact on our lives by reframing the situation. Try looking at it in a new way. There’s often some positive twist to even the most frustrating encounter. At the very least, we can chuckle about it. Be creative and stay flexible. Imagine you’re a tree; hang on with your roots and bend with the wind.

GIFT 4. The moment you notice one or more of your typical stress symptoms, break the cycle. Do this immediately. Within the first six or seven seconds, if possible. Prevent skirmishes from escalating into war. At the first sign of a stress symptom, initiate the quieting reflex, a strategy designed to counteract the first few seconds of the fight-flight reaction form. You can use it almost anytime, anywhere.

• Smile to counter facial tension. This tiny action can stimulate the release of positive neurochemicals in your brain. Think of it as a mini antidepressant. It doesn’t require a doctor’s prescription or a trip to the local pharmacy.

• Talk to yourself. Say “I’m alert and calm.” Look for some humor in the situation. If you can find something to chuckle about, even if no one else seems to recognize the funny side of life, do so. Laughter can trigger the brain to release even more positive neurochemicals.

• Breathe deeply to increase the supply of oxygen to your brain. The additional oxygen can help you to be more alert and to think more clearly. Stand or sit “tall” as you breathe. This action can enable you to feel more empowered. After all, who’s driving your bus?

• Exhale slowly and allow your muscles to relax momentarily. Hang limp for a couple of seconds. If the situation in which you find yourself is truly dreadful, think of this action as placing yourself in the eye of the storm. Some say it’s the safest place to be in a hurricane.

• Resume your activities. This is a good time to take stock of the situation. Do you need to set a personal limit? Do you need to implement a boundary? Perhaps you need to remove yourself from the situation altogether, at least temporarily. Imagine the worst thing that can happen, decide if you can live with that, and then take appropriate action. Most of the time the worst-case scenario never actually materializes.

GIFT 5. Practice a high-level wellness lifestyle. Take very good care of your mind and body. Make generous deposits into your stress-prevention bank in terms of adequate sleep, water intake, relaxation, daily exercise, healthful food, positive thinking styles, humor, massage, play, and nurturing relationships (e.g., friends, coworkers, family/family of choice, partner, Higher Power). It will pay you huge dividends. Illness usually increases during or following holiday periods. This is no doubt partially because of a decided lack of high-level wellness living strategies. This gift isn’t difficult to give yourself if you plan ahead and stay centered about living your purpose and goals.

GIFT 6. Take charge of your emotions. Think of them as signals that alert us to what is going on around us and inside us. Pay attention to them, and use the valuable information and energy they can provide to help you make decisions and take appropriate action. Emotions add color to our lives much as a beautiful fountain enhances a sculptured garden. We tend to store memories much more effectively when the encounter contains an emotional component. That’s probably why holiday memories run the gamut from euphoric to abysmal. Avoid ignoring these emotional signals or pretending they don’t exist, but don’t allow them to take over your life. They’re signals. Is there some unhealed woundedness that is sabotaging your holiday success? Identify past losses, grieve them, and retain your memories without the painful sting. Ask for and accept help from others as necessary.

GIFT 7. Expect to enjoy the holiday experience. In life we rarely get what we deserve. More often we get what we expect. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The ancestor of every action is a thought.” What are your thoughts and expectations? If they revolve around frenetic tasks, irritable guests, frazzled nerves, and drained energy, you’ll likely get just that. On the other hand, if they revolve around positive choices that can make the occasion enjoyable, energy-efficient, and memorable, you’ll likely get that. Plan to be successful. Thinking otherwise can contribute to depression. Take steps to make life a little bit easier and happier for someone else. While you’re at it, do the same for yourself. In fact, since we usually treat others the way we treat ourselves, start with small choices that will make the time more comfortable and enjoyable for you. Then stand back and watch the ripples spread across the pond.

We spend a relatively short amount of time on this planet. These seven gifts can help us to approach holiday situations more effectively and to exhibit behaviors that are more pleasing to our Creator. Give these gifts to yourself and others. Use them throughout the year to manage stressors more effectively. It can make all the difference in the world.

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Arlene Taylor is a brain-function consultant, author, and internationally known speaker (www.arlenetaylor.org).