ecause of my association with the Institute for Prevention of Addictions at Andrews University, church members and workers have contacted me with questions regarding problem behaviors among their friends or family members, and sometimes regarding personal issues. One of the most common questions that I hear relating to personal behaviors is regarding the use of pornography. The following is a list of what I have learned from these individuals:
What people close to you might have noticed regarding your Internet pornography use:
Isolation-I spent most of my time alone (most common reply).
I spend an excessive amount of time on the computer behind closed doors.
I worked very, very late on my computer; sometimes until 2:00, 3;00, or 4:00 a.m.
I actually spent as many as 18 hours or even more in a single day just searching for Internet sex sites. At one time I had as many as 50,000 sex pictures saved to my computer and still looked for more.
My attention to family matters dwindled.
My Internet provider charges increased. My credit card contained charges to unrecognized sources.
My kids knocked on my door asking me to come out, but I would tell them "In just a few minutes," which would turn into hours.
I became irritable.and I was always tired.
I did not meet commitments and was often late for work commitments.
I often left committee meetings early.
My relationship with my spouse deteriorated and our intimate relationship became ruined.
I complained of headaches, neckaches, and backaches.
I frequently purchased larger hard drives and memory for my computer.
I lost the pleasant portion of my personality.
I became financially irresponsible.
I lied about everything.
I lost enthusiasm for my job and spiritual things.
With whom in your church, work, or family did you consider discussing your problem?
My pastor.
My closest friends.
My spouse.
My boss.
Coworker
Of those, whom did you eventually talk to?
None of those listed.
I eventually went to an Alcoholics Anonymous group and
pretended to be an alcoholic. I developed relationships with a few who regularly attended, and eventually talked to one of them about my problem. That person had a similar history of pornography addiction.
I went to my cousin who was a recovering alcoholic. I told him my story, and he told me that he had the exact problem for two years before getting help.
What would you suggest to spouses who suspect or know that their mate has a problem with pornography?
Lovingly go to your spouse and say, "I know you have a problem. I want to go with you to get help."
Don't believe it when your spouse says they will get help alone. Addicts lie about everything. Do this together.
What do you suggest to anyone who has been searching the Internet for sites with sexual content?
Make an honest inventory of how much money you have spent during the past year on hard drives, memory, new computers, a high-speed Internet connection, Internet sex site membership, pornographic movies and magazines, and any activity related to your sexual appetite. Be honest!
Get help! Do whatever it takes to get professional help from a Christian counselor.
Some people promote themselves as Christian counselors, but aren't. Be careful.
Get counseling from someone trained in sexual addiction.
Don't expect your doctor to have expertise in the area of sexual addiction.
What should parents do regarding the home computer?
Don't allow your kids to use the computer in private. If they have a computer in their bedroom, make sure that they keep the door open when using it and that you can see the monitor from the door.
Put the computer in the living room where it can be supervised at all times.
Learn how to check the home computer to see what Internet sites have been accessed.
If you check the computer and the "history" folder is empty, this may be a sign that someone has been where they shouldn't have, and knows how to cover their tracks.
Understand that once you learn how to search a computer for sites that users have accessed, they will learn ways of covering their tracts. There are programs made specifically to erase traces of Internet access to sites with sexual content.
Don't allow anyone to use passwords on the home computer.
Do not let your kids run the computer without supervision.
ecause of my association with the Institute for Prevention of Addictions at Andrews University, church members and workers have contacted me with questions regarding problem behaviors among their friends or family members, and sometimes regarding personal issues. One of the most common questions that I hear relating to personal behaviors is regarding the use of pornography. The following is a list of what I have learned from these individuals:
