e live in a sinful world. Sin that separates humankind from its Creator has also separated nations, kingdoms, tribes, communities, churches, and families.

Family problems began immediately after the Fall in Eden. Adam said to the Lord, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it” (Gen. 3:12).* Blaming each other is a characteristic typical of most of today’s families, a trait inherited from our first parents. Now family problems separate spouses from each other, and children from their parents. The number of divorces and unhappy families continues to rise.

In the United States alone 3,533 children are born to unmarried mothers every 24 hours; more than 2,500 children experience the divorce or separation of their parents. Thus every day more than 6,000 children are ushered into the ranks of broken homes, shattered relationships, and fractured families.¹

How can we strengthen our families?
“Middletown, U.S.A.,” a classic sociological research project, collected data for six decades in the twentieth century and discovered that the transmission of strong religious values coincides with a strong family life.²

Valuegenesis, the massive research project among Adventist youth, revealed that “when the family frequently engages in interesting and meaningful worship together, and when the family engages in projects to help other people, the children and youth are more likely to manifest a growing, rich, mature faith, and loyalty to their denomination.”³

We know that Bible reading fortifies the church. But reading the Word also strengthens the Christian family. The more we read and internalize the Word, the stronger will be our families.

The world was created by the word of God, and He created man and woman in His own image (Gen. 1:26, 27). As God’s creatures, our survival depends upon our faithfulness to His Word. As the psalmist says: “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain” (Ps. 127:1).

Husbands and wives are equal in being and in worth, and the family is where heavenly love and happiness can be experienced in an earthly setting. The Lord desires us to understand that when we marry we make a covenant to each other for as long as we live.

The Word also explains how marriage relationships can be strengthened: marry only another believer (2 Cor. 6:14-16), be completely loyal to each other (Heb. 13:4), and express love and appreciation for one another (Song of Sol. 7:1-9).

As long as each member keeps the Word, the family will be strengthened. There will be no fornication or adultery, polygamy or impurity of thought (Matt. 5:27, 28), no diversion from God’s plan for the family. The family that abides by the Word will experience the joy of His presence, and as they follow His commandments the family bond will be strengthened.

Love in the Family
More than just superficial obedience to God’s commandments, the Word emphasizes our need to have genuine love expressed in our lives. Jesus speaks about love to God and humanity as the greatest commandment (Matt. 22:36-39). In fact, the Word further tells us in John 13:35, “All men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” The world will know that our families are followers of Christ if it can be seen that members of our families truly love each other.

Love strengthens our family and makes us healthy. Dr. David C. McClelland conducted a fascinating series of studies showing how the power of relationships affects our immunity.

A group of student volunteers was asked to view a 50-minute film of Mother Teresa’s loving service to the sick and dying in Calcutta’s worst slums, a video specially designed to induce a positive, caring emotional state. Another group was asked to view a documentary about World War II designed to elicit negative emotions such as anger. On average, those students who watched the movie of Mother Teresa had a significant increase in salivary immunoglobulin A, a protective antibody against viruses. The group that watched the documentary about World War II did not show any appreciable changes.⁴ Being caring and compassionate has a positive impact on the immune system of the giver.

Dr. Sheldon Cohen and his colleagues at Carnegie-Mellon University and the University of Pittsburgh studied whether social ties (loving one another) may help protect the human body against infectious disease.

Healthy volunteers, ranging in age from 18 to 55, were given nasal drops containing rhinovirus, the virus that causes the common cold. Then participation in 12 types of social relationships was assessed (relationships with spouse, parents, parents-in-law, children, family members, neighbors, friends, fellow workers, schoolmates, fellow volunteers in charity or community work, groups without religious affiliations [social, recreational or professional], and religious groups). The research showed that those who provide social support to a diversity of people increased their resistance to developing colds, even when they were infected with the rhinovirus.⁵

What a positive impact loving support can have on family and individual health!

The Word says that each person—husband, wife, and child—must bear responsibility for the choices he or she makes (2 Cor. 5:10). If each individual knows and accepts their responsibility as spelled out by the Word, family ties will be strengthened.

Inspired Guidelines
Some family members, however, want to enjoy the privileges of family without accepting its responsibilities. As a result, one or more members will feel they are being used. The Word gives guidelines about the responsibility of each individual that strengthens the family.

To parents the Word says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6). The Word also admonishes parents to avoid treating their children in a way that will cause them to become discouraged (Col. 3:21).

To children the Word says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12), and “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6:1).

To husbands the Word says, “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25); and to wives, “Submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body” (Eph. 5:22, 23).

The result of adhering to the Word is: children who honor and obey their parents; parents who love, train, and encourage their children; and husbands and wives who love and are faithful to each other. The family who spends time with the Word will see their relationships become stronger and their lives healthier.

Communication Skills
Redbook magazine asked 730 marriage counselors to list the most common marriage problem that divides and pushes couples apart. Here’s the list Redbook published (in order of frequency): (1) breakdown in communication, (2) loss of shared goals and interests, (3) sexual incompatibility, (4) infidelity, (5) excitement and fun gone from relationship, (6) money, (7) conflict over children, (8) alcohol and drug abuse, (9) women’s rights issues, (10) in-laws.⁶

While “breakdown in communication” is the number one marital problem, numbers 2 through 5 are related to communication breakdown. Communication may be sabotaged by using harsh or “gunpowder” words, silence, superficiality, not listening to suggestions, criticism, tone of voice, nagging, talking too much, etc. The Lord in His love has provided us, through the Word, with several simple, yet specific, guidelines for effective family communication. Here are just a few:

The importance of listening: “Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

Careful use of words: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21, NASB).

Gentle or pleasant words: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).

Speaking the truth: “So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another” (Eph. 4:25, NRSV).

Promptly resolving conflict: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph. 4:26, NRSV).

Avoid nagging or talking too much: “Don’t talk so much. You keep putting your foot in your mouth. Be sensible and turn off the flow” (Prov. 10:19, TLB).

Encourage one another: “But encourage one another daily” (Heb. 3:13).

It’s interesting that long before Dr. Robert Ader defined psychoneuroimmunology, the Word said in Proverbs 16:24, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Dr. Janice Kiegolt-Glaser and Dr. Ronald Glazer have conducted some of the most interesting studies documenting the effects of unpleasant words on the immune system. In one study they found that couples who had been married an average of 42 years but who constantly argued with each other had weakened immune systems.⁷

At the other end of the marriage spectrum studies of newlywed couples who agreed to be admitted to a hospital research unit for 24 hours revealed that those who exhibited more negative or hostile behaviors during a 30-minute discussion of marital problems showed greater decreases over 24 hours on four functional immunological analyses. In other words, the immune system is less effective when a person is in conflict with their spouse. Couples who focused on the negative had greater increases in blood pressure that remained elevated longer.⁸

How fortunate we are to have the Word that admonishes us to encourage one another daily. It not only sweetens the family relationship but has a positive impact on our health as well.

Family Relationships
From time to time we hear disturbing reports of family violence. In some countries family violence is a major public health crisis. In the United States 38 percent of girls and 17.3 percent of boys experience sexual abuse prior to the age of 18. Violent attacks by men constitute the greatest health risk to women in this country, where an estimated 3 to 4 million women are battered each year by their husbands or partners.⁹

Incidents of drug abuse, addiction, and juvenile delinquency continue to increase. The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which involved 90,000 teenagers and 18,000 parents across the United States, reveals that independent of race, ethnicity, family structure, and poverty status, adolescents who are connected to their parents, to their families, and to their school community are protected from many risk behaviors, such as sex, violence, emotional distress, suicidal attempts, and drug use.¹⁰

The Word spoke to us of connectedness in the family long before these studies were conducted. As God’s people, we know we need to love one another (2 Thess. 3:2), serve one another (Gal. 5:13), bear with one another (Eph. 4:2), be kind to one another (Eph. 4:32), edify one another (Rom. 14:19), admonish one another (Rom. 15:14), be tenderhearted and forgiving to one another (Eph. 4:32), comfort one another (1 Thess. 4:18), show compassion to one another (1 Peter 3:8), be hospitable to one another (1 Peter 4:9), and pray for one another (James 5:16).

These “one another commands” help us to be connected to one another as God’s people and strengthen the family relationships, which ultimately protects our youth from many high-risk behaviors.

The Center of the Family
Ellen White wrote: “Picture a large circle, from the edge of which are many lines all running to the center. The nearer these lines approach the center, the nearer they are to one another. Thus it is in the Christian life. The closer we come to Christ, the nearer we shall be to one another. God is glorified as His people unite in harmonious action.”¹¹ The more we study the Word, the closer we come to Jesus Christ. As we draw closer to Him, the center of the circle, we will be closer to each other.

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*Unless otherwise noted, Bible quotations in this article are from the New International Version.
 ¹  Dwight Nelson, NET ’98 sermon, Oct. 24, 1998.
 ²  H. M. Bahr and B. A. Chadwick, “Religion and Family in Middletown, U.S.A.,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, May 1985, pp. 407-414.
 ³  S. Tyner, The Color of Grace in Our Homes (AdventSource, 1996), p. 5.
 ⁴  D. C. McClelland and C. Kirshnit, “The Effect of Motivational Arousal Through Films on Salivary Immunoglobulin A,” Psychology and Health 2 (1988): 31-52.
 ⁵  S. Cohen, W. J. Doyle, D. P. Skoner et al., “Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold,” Journal of the American Medical Association 277 (1997): 1940-1944.
 ⁶  N. L. Van Pelt, How to Talk So Your Mate Will Listen and Listen So Your Mate Will Talk (Tarrytown, N.Y.: Fleming H. Revell Co., 1989), p. 19.
 ⁷  J. Kiegolt-Glaser et al., Fourth Interna-tional Congress of Behavioral Medicine, Washington, D.C., 1996.
 ⁸  J. Kiegolt-Glaser et al., Psychosomatic Medicine 55, No. 5 (1993), 395-409.
 ⁹  N. J. Ramsay, “Confronting Family Violence and Its Spiritual Damage,” Family Ministry 13, No. 3 (Fall 1999).
¹⁰  R. W. Blum and P. M. Rinehart, Reducing the Risk: Connections That Make a Difference in the Lives of Youth (Division of General Pediatrics and Adolescent Health, University of Minnesota), based on the first analysis of Add Health data, “Protecting Adolescents From Harm: Findings From the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health,” Journal of American Medical Association, Sept. 10, 1997.
¹¹ Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, p. 179.

Questions for Sharing:
1. What methods or techniques have you found helpful in creating a meaningful devotional climate in your home?

2. What creative ways have you found to show appreciation and support for the members of your family or extended family?

3. Describe briefly a time in your life you felt completely secure in your family relationships. What would it take to duplicate that climate in your current family situation?

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Kathleen Kuntaraf, M.D., is associate director for prevention in the Health Ministries Department of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists; and Jonathan Kuntaraf is associate director of Sabbath school and personal ministries.