DDICTIONS ABOUND IN TODAY’S world. Alcoholism, drugs, tobacco, sex. But there is one addiction nobody wants to talk about. In fact, few want to admit that they are addicted to it—or that they have a problem with it. And yet I have found that it is perhaps the most pervasive addiction that exists. In the liberal circles. In the most conservative circles. Among young and old. The addiction is gossip, evil surmising, criticism, judgmentalism.

I know from personal experience how addictive this can be. I grew up listening to the voices of criticism and gossip all around me. Criticism of what people wore to church. How they fixed their hair. How they spent their money. How they raised their kids. Yes, even criticism of the sermon on Sabbath. I became addicted. At first I was just a social gossiper, just an occasional slip of the tongue, a little fun and harmless gossip at someone else’s expense. Nothing dark or ugly. But as the habit grew, so did the addiction, and, totally unaware, I became hooked.

After 40 years of thinking I was a Christian, I found out that, in fact, I was worse than the drunkard on the street. Worse than the drug addict. Worse than the prostitute. Those people maybe don’t claim to be Christians, but I did, and I was destroying people with my tongue. If you want someone to feel really, really bad about what they are doing, just pray that God will give them a converted heart—there is nothing worse than looking at your ugly, sin-filled past with converted eyes. The horror of seeing clearly the heartache, the pain you have caused others, is beyond imagining.

I cried. I fasted. I prayed. I asked God to forgive me and change me. And then God gave me a converted heart. God told me to go make things right. There were many wolves to face, and believe me, they wanted me for lunch. I had to repeat over and over to myself that I must learn to gather warmth from the coldness of others. While many people were forgiving, those I had hurt the worst were understandably very doubtful and distrustful. I have learned from painful experience the ugliness of sin. That yes, we can repent and ask forgiveness, but that doesn’t change what we’ve done. If only I’d had a converted heart years ago, how much needless pain and heartache I would have saved myself and others.

I learned the hard way that my efforts to do what is right will fail utterly. That the only way to be free of this addiction is to cast myself at the feet of Jesus and be willing to admit that I have a problem. Like the alcoholic, I must be willing to say, “My name is Joe Blow, and I am addicted to criticism, gossip, judgmentalism, and evil surmising.” Can there be anything harder for a proud heart to do?

Gossip and criticism can take many forms that are cloaked in acceptable garments. Those who are blatant gossips and snoops, and are proud of it, are easy to spot. But others veil their prying and snooping by claiming “Christian concern.” When someone asks for prayer about something, we may think that gives us license to pry and poke, to pick them apart in our conversation with others. We whisper to the whole church the juicy little secrets we’ve discovered, and then try to make it seem right by asking people to “pray about it.” There are the “righteous” who criticize everybody’s faults “because they ought to know better,” and we have the Scripture passages and Spirit of Prophecy quotes to prove it. Oh, I know. I’ ve been there. Done that. Heard it all.

“There has ever been a class professing godliness, who, instead of following on to know the truth, make it their religion to seek some fault of character or error of faith in those with whom they do not agree. Such are Satan’s right-hand helpers. Accusers of the brethren are not few, and they are always active when God is at work and His servants are rendering Him true homage. They will put a false coloring upon the words and acts of those who love and obey the truth. They will represent the most earnest, zealous, self-denying servants of Christ as deceived or deceivers. It is their work to misrepresent the motives of every true and noble deed, to circulate insinuations, and arouse suspicion in the minds of the inexperienced.”¹

But in Jesus there is freedom from this addiction, just as He can give freedom from every other besetting sin in our lives. Oh, that every Christian would ask God to put within their hearts deep wells of love, kindness, and tenderest compassion—that we might pray for His character, “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth” (Ex. 34:6).

Here are the 12 steps to freedom from addiction that brought me to an awareness of my sin, helped me to face and repent of my sin, and now help me to live a life free from this sin. I pray that these steps might bring healing and freedom in your life too.

Twelve Steps to Freedom
1. Ask God for a converted heart. “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Ps. 51:10). “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise” (verse 17).

2. Ask God to show you if this is a sin in your life. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23, 24). “We shall not renounce sin unless we see its sinfulness. . . . But when the heart yields to the influence of the Spirit of God, the conscience will be quickened, and the sinner will discern something of the depth and sacredness of God’s holy law, the foundation of His government in heaven and on earth.”²

3. Confess your sin to God. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). “True confession is always of a specific character, and acknowledges particular sins. They may be of such a nature as to be brought before God only; they may be wrongs that should be confessed to individuals who have suffered injury through them; or they may be of a public character, and should then be as publicly confessed. But all confession should be definite and to the point, acknowledging the very sins of which you are guilty.”³

4. Confess your faults to those you have wronged. “Confess your sins to God, who only can forgive them, and your faults to one another. If you have given offense to your friend or neighbor, you are to acknowledge your wrong, and it is his duty freely to forgive you.”⁴

5. Consecrate yourself to God every morning. “Make this your very first work. Let your prayer be, ‘Take me, O Lord, as wholly Thine. I lay all my plans at Thy feet. Use me today in Thy service. Abide with me, and may all my work be wrought in Thee.”⁵

6. Hide God’s Word in your heart. “Thy word have I hid in mine heart that I might not sin against thee” (Ps. 119:111). “Temptations often appear irresistible because, through neglect of prayer and the study of the Bible, the tempted one cannot readily remember God’s promises and meet Satan with the Scripture weapons. But angels are round about those who are willing to be taught in divine things; and in the time of great necessity they will bring to their remembrance the very truths which are needed.”⁶

God’s Word will help us speak only those things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report (Phil. 4:8). “To him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God” (Ps. 50:23). “Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile” (Ps. 34:13).

7. Avoid temptation. To the best of your ability, stay away from circumstances and people that will draw you back into this addiction. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful” (Ps. 1:1).

8. Be open about your struggle. Don’t let your pride keep you silent and open the way for temptation. “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” (Prov. 16:18). If you are in a situation that you can’t avoid, be willing to say, “I have a problem with gossip, and I am trying to get it out of my life, out of my home.” You’ll find that most people are willing to help you by holding their own tongue.

9. Pray for those who have wronged you or about whom you find yourself having critical thoughts. Do it right then and there. “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you” (Matt. 5:44). When the criticism and gossip begins, I say to my family and friends, “They really need our prayers. Would you mind if we prayed for them right now?” Then do it. You will find that your conversation will turn to Jesus and away from the criticism.

When my family first started doing this, we found ourselves praying several times a day—even several times in one hour. It was a supreme struggle for all of us, because our habits had become so deeply entrenched. But as we have continued to pray, God has done a work in us—we now catch ourselves before the words are said.

10. Do something kind for someone you have critical thoughts about. Ask God for an understanding heart. “In your association with others, put yourself in their place. Enter into their feelings, their difficulties, their disappointments, their joys, and their sorrows. Identify yourself with them, and then do to them as, were you to exchange places with them, you would wish them to deal with you.”⁷

11. Think about Jesus when you begin to have negative thoughts. “Let the mind dwell upon His love, upon the beauty, the perfection, of His character. . . . It is by loving Him, copying Him, depending wholly upon Him, that you are to be transformed into His likeness.”⁸

12. Trust Jesus completely to work in you. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). “Many have an idea that they must do some part of the work alone. They have trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of sin, but now they seek by their own efforts to live aright. But every such effort must fail. Jesus says, ‘Without me, ye can do nothing.’ Our growth in grace, our joy, our usefulness—all depend upon our union with Christ. It is by communion with Him, daily, hourly—by abiding in Him—that we are to grow in grace.”⁹

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¹ Ellen G. White, The Great Controversy, p. 519.
² White, Steps to Christ, pp. 23, 24.
³ Ibid., p. 38.
⁴ Ibid., p. 37.
⁵ Ibid., p. 70.
⁶ White, The Great Controversy, p. 600.
⁷ White, Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, p. 134.
⁸ White, Steps to Christ, pp.70, 71.
⁹ Ibid., p. 69.

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Christianna Kelsey writes from Bandon, Oregon.