ecause of my husband’s occupation (health-care consulting), we have covered a good portion of the United States—Florida, California, Illinois, Tennessee, and a great deal of Texas, including several small communities as well as Dallas and Houston. Because our tenure has been brief in each place, we have visited in many churches within both the larger cities and the surrounding rural areas. Many of these churches had one thing in common—many empty pews. And the dominant hair color was gray. Over and over we asked ourselves: Where are the young families? Where are the children? What has happened in our churches? A recent personal experience may help provide an answer.

My oldest daughter had not consistently attended church for several years, but after marriage and becoming a mother herself she moved to our area. I was thrilled when she and her family expressed a desire to attend church with us. It was a small church with a few members our age. Many were older. There was a cradle roll Sabbath school with a wonderful leader, but the cradle roll program was limited to the lesson study portion of the Sabbath school. If the one teacher happened to be away, no one was available to take her place. For a few months they continued to attend with us, but they were starving for association with other Christian young people.

Work soon took us to another city. Now by themselves, our daughter and her family attended less frequently. The baby was sick. One reason, then another. Soon there was another baby. With no nursery it was much easier to stay home and take care of the babies than to wrestle with two during a church service.

When our daughter and her family moved to a nearby town with a little larger church, she asked me to come and go with them to visit the church in this city. That first Sabbath I was there to help with the babies, and my daughter and her husband were able to hear at least part of the church service. There was a cradle roll Sabbath school during the entire Sabbath school program. We were all encouraged. The following week they arrived for Sabbath school to find there would be no cradle roll. Cradle roll children were asked to go into the room with the kindergarten-aged young ones. The leader of that division was obviously not pleased, as it made her job more difficult.

Our daughter, her husband, and children attended church a few more times, but soon became very discouraged. Again, it was much simpler to stay at home and care for the children in their own environment than to care for them in a quiet church setting. Not until six months after their last attendance did anyone from the Adventist church call or visit their home.

Somewhat discouraged but still wanting a Christian influence in their home life, they accepted an invitation from a friend to visit her church—the “Friendly” Baptist. What a contrast. There was a Sunday school class especially for young married couples, a Sunday School class for the older child, and a nursery for the infant. They were able to listen, learn, and communicate with other young people.

On Tuesday night of the following week I was visiting them when there was a knock on their door. Two people from their Sunday school class stopped by for a visit. They did not sermonize or discuss doctrines. They did not even ask to have prayer in the home. They stayed about 15 minutes saying, basically, “We’re so glad you came to visit and would love for you to come again.” This situation was repeated each week for the next several weeks. The only time my daughter’s family has missed church since that first visit was when one of the babies was hospitalized.

Through the ensuing year since that first visit, they learned a lot about how the “Friendly” Baptist operates. Perhaps as a church we could take some lessons from another church with a program that is working well.

1. They make visitors feel welcome. Not only are the people friendly when the visitors arrive, but someone from the class visits in the home of the visitor within the next week. These calls are made unannounced—the family doesn’t have to prepare for a visit, nor do they have an opportunity to say “Please do not come.”

2. New members, visitors, and those with young children are given an opportunity to hear, learn, and communicate. This opportunity is not available while wrestling with small children and trying to keep them quiet. Though conscientious Sabbathkeepers would have difficulty hiring someone to work in a church nursery, there are grandmothers in almost every church who could care for these young ones while the parents participate in Sabbath school and the church service. As grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and even grandfathers and great-grandfathers, we do have something to offer. We can meet these young families as they walk through our doors, and offer to care for the babies. We’ve heard these sermons before. We have had an opportunity to grow. Why not provide that same opportunity for a young family?

One church we attended in Houston did have such a program, using a sign-up sheet for nursery volunteers. In all our travels this was the one church that was often full to the brim, with standing room only.

3. Family relationships and association with other young couples is encouraged. Frequent activities are planned for the young married couples as well as other age groups. These range from bowling to basketball and hayrides. One event is really special—date-your-mate night. The church nursery is available for all of these events.

4. There is always, always, always a class for the children. While listed last, this is probably the very most important. If young families are to feel welcome in our churches, there must be Sabbath school available for the children. Perhaps most members are older and this is a difficult requirement, but this is the best and most important investment we can make in our church’s future. We cannot make young families feel welcome if we do not make it obvious their children are welcome as well. By allowing our Sabbath schools to die out, we have indicated to all who visit in our churches that this is really not a place for children.

I have heard the argument that by providing these types of activities, our churches just become a social club. What better place for social nurturing than in a Christian atmosphere? Are we not missing opportunities?

Special Needs
Young married couples new to the faith, and those with young children, need an opportunity to study and expand their knowledge of Bible truths and their relationship with their heavenly Father. They need to know that their children are being cared for and trained in a Christian environment. They also need socialization with other young Christian families.  Isaiah says that “he tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isa. 40:11, NIV). As a church family we have the opportunity and the responsibility to help meet those needs.

Paul advised, “Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood” (Acts 20:28, NIV). When we as a church do not collectively do everything within the power God makes available to us to nurture young families and provide them an opportunity to grow in the faith, will we as spiritual (and earthly) parents hear, “Where is the flock that was entrusted to you?” (Jer. 13:20, NIV).

My experience involves only one young family. I am deeply sorry that neither of the two Adventist churches was able to meet their needs; yet I am extremely grateful to a group of Christians who have found a way to share the love of God with my daughter and her family. We frequently have an opportunity to discuss topics they have studied in Sunday school class or they heard in the sermon. They are learning and developing a relationship with our Savior.

The Jews felt very secure because they were Abraham’s seed and that “birthright” provided them exclusive rights to the kingdom of God. Yet in New Testament times God took the gospel from them and gave it to the Gentiles because they would not spread it to the world. We must share this gospel with those who walk through our doors. There are so many souls out there searching for His love. As in the time of the apostles, if we do not share His love faithfully, that opportunity will be given to someone else.

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Joyce McQueen wrote this article from Dallas, Texas.