NE SEPTEMBER DAY LESLIE, A 23-YEAR-OLD California graduate student in psychology, quietly packed some clothing from her dormitory room. When a friend asked where she was going, Leslie replied simply that she was going backpacking in the mountains and would return in two days. After she was missing for nearly a week, hikers found Leslie inside her car. She had shot herself with a small revolver. Devastated by her death, her brother said: “It was a real shock because no one in the family knew how badly she had been feeling. If only we had known, the family would have been able to share the problem. We could have put our heads together, showing Leslie that she didn’t need to die.”

Additional Resources Tips to Help Prevent Suicide Where to Get Help

A 57-year-old man methodically laid out his will, tax forms, and a note to relatives, saying: “There’s nobody to blame for this. It’s just time for me to leave.” With somber deliberation Ron poisoned himself with carbon monoxide as he sat in his Cadillac in the garage of his Endicott, New York, house. His family and millions of sports fans were shocked to learn that baseball’s most well-known umpire, Ron Luciano, had committed suicide.

The harsh reality is that death by suicide cuts across all gender, class, race, and age distinctions. Suicide is a major health problem. It once ranked twenty-second on the list of causes of death in the United States, but now is eighth. Among young people between 15 and 24 years of age, suicide is the third leading cause of death. In 1997 more teenagers and young adults died from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia and influenza, and chronic lung disease combined.¹

According to the United States Public Health Service, between 28,000 and 30,000 Americans “officially” commit suicide each year. However, those statistics are considered far too low by many authorities on suicide. Gregory Zilboorg, former psychiatrist-in-chief of the United Nations, says, “Statistical data on suicide as compiled today deserves little credence. All too many suicides are not reported as such.” Many experts believe that a more accurate statistic on American deaths by suicide is closer to 90,000 per year.

Perhaps the saddest aspect of suicide is that in many cases the death can be prevented. California psychologist Edwin Shneidman, founder of the American Association of Suicidology and a professor of thanatology at the University of California at Los Angeles, says: “Suicide, I have learned, is not a bizarre and incomprehensible act. Suicidal people use a particular logic, a style of thinking that brings them to the conclusion that death is the only solution to their problems. This style can be readily seen, and there are steps we can take to stop suicide, if we know where to look.”

Responding to people who are suicidal is an important part of fulfilling the many biblical commands to offer hope, comfort, and encouragement for the despairing. The book of Job reminds us to be “eyes to the blind and feet to the lame,” “a father to the needy” (Job 29:15, 16).* And Paul instructed: “Comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow” (2 Cor. 2:7). It is through the kindness and comfort offered by sensitive friends and family that a despairing person can experience the recovery declared in Jeremiah 30:17: “‘I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord.”

Here are some effective ways of helping someone you love:

1. Treat all suicide comments seriously. No statement about committing suicide should ever be dismissed as made in jest, a mere plea for attention, or simply an “academic” discussion. Many individuals have experienced profound guilt because they failed to respond decisively when suicidal thoughts were expressed.

Consider the case of Laura, whose roommate took her life. “I knew Shelley had been depressed. It was something she struggled with off and on for many years. But the day before she died, Shelley talked to me about suicide,” Laura recalls. “She was active in her church, and said the church frowned on suicide. ‘Do you think anyone goes to hell for committing suicide?’ she asked me. Looking back, I am shocked at my careless response. I thought her question was simply an academic exercise, so I responded by saying, ‘No, I don’t think anyone goes to hell for that.’ I didn’t pursue the reasons behind her question. Twenty-four hours later my roommate and best friend was dead. Right now I don’t believe my guilt will ever go away completely.”

2. Recognize the danger signals. Suicide seldom takes place without warning. Sadly, after someone has ended his or her life, the surviving family and friends often recall clues and warnings that were overlooked at the time. Here is a list of the most commonly cited suicide warning signs:

• Ongoing mental depression
• Expressing suicidal thoughts or threats
• Previous suicide attempts
• A preoccupation with and asking questions about death
• Getting affairs in order
• Giving away personal effects
• Sudden visits or phone calls to people the person cares about
• Appearance of happiness and calmness when any of the preceding three are completed
• Personality changes or odd behavior
• Apathy, moodiness, anger, crying
• Sleep disorder, such as insomnia or excessive sleeping
• Lack of appetite
• Loss of interest in normal activities
• Inability to concentrate
• Isolation and withdrawal
• Statements of hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness
• Alcohol or drug abuse

3. Take an honest assessment. If you suspect someone is suicidal, try to gain an accurate assessment of how perturbed that person is. That means asking direct questions about suicide even though such questioning can be uncomfortable for all parties. The following types of inquiries can provide invaluable information: Have you thought about suicide? Are you thinking about harming yourself in any way? Are you considering ending your life? Have you ever attempted it before? Have you made any plans? (Keep in mind that the more detailed the plans, the greater the risk.) “Talking about suicide usually reduces tension and lowers stress,” notes Robert Veninga, professor at the University of Minnesota and author of A Gift of Hope. “When the question is finally asked, ‘Do you ever think about ending life?’ there is a health catharsis. Someone finally understands the magnitude of the problem. With that reassurance suicidal intentions are at least temporarily put on hold.”²

4. Remove all possible weapons. Make your home free of guns, knives, poisons, barbiturates, and other potent drugs. The primary reason for removing potential weapons is to create an obstacle. Most individuals struggle with conflicting thoughts over life and death. The inability to act impulsively on a death wish can delay a suicidal action, allowing more time for intervention and prevention.

If asked why you are removing the pills or the guns or the knives, be honest. The person will clearly understand your decision, know of your concern, and may begin to share frustrations, allowing you to listen and offer options. Nanci, a 19-year-old woman who had attempted suicide twice, says: “I would have been successful the third time if I could have found my father’s gun and bullets. But seeing how depressed I had become, he wisely removed them from the house.” Nanci and her father were able to talk about her most recent depression. With his support and encouragement, she saw a therapist. Today that 19-year-old has graduated from university, is engaged in a satisfying career, and volunteers her time at a suicide intervention center.

5. Don’t become angry and judgmental. Some people become hostile when a family member or friend shares thoughts about suicide. Rather than allow the suicidal individual to express, and therefore explore, the feelings, attitudes, and options, potential rescuers destroy the opportunity to help by blurting out angry, judgmental statements, such as: “You’re so ungrateful. After all we’ve done, how could you think that way?” “Suicide is wrong. How could you dare think and say such a thing?” “Your comments are so immature. When will you grow up and accept responsibility?” Potential helpers who respond out of anger are guilty of losing their emotional control, and in so doing they may lose a life. It is vital that in approaching a suicidal person we adhere firmly to Paul’s advice: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Eph. 4:2).

6. Be a sensitive listener. Rather than responding with anger, judgment, or chastisement, the troubled person should be put at ease and made to feel understood. This is best done by

sensitive, respectful listening to the individual’s feelings of sadness, discouragement, and disillusionment. “When a person has a disgust of life, he needs desperately to ventilate his burdensome feelings,” says Rabbi Earl Grollman in his book Suicide. “This means that those who are concerned could be of invaluable assistance by responsive listening, by giving full attention to what the distraught person is saying and feeling. When hidden thoughts are able to come to the light of day, troubles may seem less complicated and more solvable.”³

7. Seek additional resources. When learning that someone is considering suicide, it is vital to determine the level of intent and bring to bear the appropriate additional resources. Generally there are three levels of crisis: maximum, moderate, and minimal. Here is a brief outline and recommended response:

Maximum crisis takes place when a person is in a life-threatening situation, i.e., has already attempted suicide or is clearly about to make an attempt. Options include taking the person to a hospital emergency room and calling the police or an ambulance immediately.

Moderate crisis occurs when the person’s life is not in immediate danger. It is important to motivate the person to seek help from a counselor, clergy, parent, teacher, other friend, or suicide hot line. Offer to accompany the person to a source of help, and consider entering into a nonsuicide pact with the individual.

During Minimal crisis the risk seems minimal, and you are able to leave the person alone. However, provide generous assurance of your availability, and continue encouraging the individual to seek additional help from a counselor, physician, or clergyperson.

Finally, those who seek to help people with suicidal feelings should understand clearly that no one is 100 percent suicidal. Even an individual harboring the most ardent death wish is ambivalent. It is that ambivalence that gives the rescuer a unique opportunity to shift the inner debate between life and death in favor of love. Thus suicide is more preventable than any other cause of death.

*All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version.

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¹ Center for Disease Control and Prevention unpublished mortality data from the National Center for Health Statistics Mortality Data Tapes.
² Robert Veninga, A Gift of Hope (New York: Harper and Row, 1976), pp. 224, 225.
³ Earl A. Grollman, Suicide (Boston: Beacon Press, 1971), p. 90.

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Victor Parachin is a counselor, minister, and freelance writer from Tulsa, Oklahoma.